God Time

Do you ever just have those days where you are just frustrated and annoyed?.. It seems like today there are so many little things that have built up all of a sudden that I am just annoyed. I have been working really hard all day to not let those feelings rule my day or interactions with others… I know attitude is a choice and it can affect others, but for whatever reason today it is an incredibly hard choice to choose to have a good attitude.

I prayed the entire way into work today.. which has actually become quite a relaxing centering thing for me in the mornings. I have found that more often than not the radio agitates me in the mornings and I just need quiet time.. and since my wonderful new car is super quiet it offers a wonderful place for me to have it. 🙂 I have also found that my 45min-hour drive is therapeutic because of my time with God lol My time with him isn’t very structured (he clearly knows what does and doesn’t work for my thought pattern lol). Often times I just go over the things that are on my heart.. I think about them, pray about them, complain about them, and ultimately (if it’s a good day) give it up to him. I feel like I fight with him a lot more, but at the same time I feel like things “get done” faster now that I am doing this virtually every day.. Just like in any other relationship, even if you find yourself fighting more.. things are better than not talking at all or very seldom. It is a weird feeling when you feel like you have just had a 45 minute conversation with your sweet savior several days/weeks in a row…

One of the biggest things I have noticed is the “feeling” my heart has now. I can literally FEEL the weight of issues, but, I also can feel them scraped away when I give it up… it’s odd. I can FEEL my heart joyful, like it has extra pep in its pump lol (or whatever I’m feeling has extra pep lol) It is like I am more in tune with the “fine tunings and noises” of my heart.. which is good, but on bad days can feel suffocating.

It’s the weirdest thing too when some days I have SO MUCH to say to God, whether it is good or bad.. or I just need him to hear my plea.. or complaint.. or proposition for him (which still makes me laugh cause it’s like the millions of times I have come up with hair-brained propositions for my dad and he just laughs at them). But, then there are other days when my heart is heavy, and I just have no words.. so I sit in silence and allow my mind to go numb and just drive..

Currently I feel like the main issue is patience.. Which is lame cause I thought God and I had dealt with this topic several years ago 🙂 But.. nonetheless here we are again, only this time it is almost painful to have patience.. one of those things that you KNOW without a doubt is the better option, much more healthy, much more freeing, and yet you still want to fight it.. for no legitimate reason but to not HAVE to wait… lame.

Ultimately I will wait on my Sweet Savior.. but ironically he has to help me do that cause I can’t even do THAT on my own strength… lame.


It never ceases to amaze me how much friends are God’s fingerprints in our life. I am always blown away by how every time I’m struggling God always sends friends to be there to cheer me up, listen to me vent, they don’t try to justify or correct.. but just let me get it all out, then lovingly remind me of things I know but have forgotten, or tell me things they’ve seen and observed, and given me their opinions without it being aggravatingly the same as all the other answers from people.. They push me towards God, encourage me when I’m trying to be in God’s face about anything and everything I’m excited about, frustrated about, scared about, aggravated about, worried about.. anything.

And, the other thing that amazes me about it all is the depth you can have with people you never expected to have.. Like one of my friends, we’ve joked and laughed about how odd it is that we are best friends now… We both had the same view of each other when we met, and neither of us thought we’d be able to be friends.. But, true to God’s humor it turns out we are so similar that it allows us to know exactly how to react, respond, love, encourage, and listen to each other.. Then there is the friends I’ve made here in VA.. I never would have expected to be so close to a couple people so fast.. I can just see God being like “oh my, this child need help…” It’s different because there are little things that I’m not comfortable with yet (like hugging as much as I’d like to).. but that will come with time 🙂

Lord, thank you for being faithful. Thank you for filling my heart with you, and speaking to me with an audible voice through my friends. Thank you for comforting my troubled heart when I come to you. Thank you for letting me feel your presence every day. I truly want you to be my everything, but I don’t know how… so please help me to know what that means.

My Turn

Do you ever just wonder when it will be your turn to experience something? Especially when virtually everyone you know has gotten to? That’s kinda how I feel at the moment… I know “this too shall pass,” but right now I can’t help but have the same feelings of when is it my turn? And, on top of that there are all the feelings that follow that.

Here’s what I know.. God has my plan already, and he’s leading it. Not one time have I ever looked back and wondered “WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING?!” when I have seen God’s path on the other side. I know he loves me, and I know I’m learning.

But, then there’s the other side that’s completely filled with doubts… I’ve realized recently that those all have to go back to God, and I pray about it EVERY SINGLE DAY.. but they are still there.. varying degrees every day. Some days I feel like they’ve disappeared completely and I can conquer the world. Then there are days I feel the weight on me and want to just hide and cry.

Insecurities are a weird thing, because no one else seems to completely get it. You can explain what they are.. even why they are there, and their responses tend to be shallow or they try to tell you how stupid you are for feeling that way (as if telling someone they are stupid ever has helped before).

I know I have Hope because of Jesus.. but I’m finding it to be getting progressively more challenging to find hope in the “desires of my heart”.. I feel like that whole definition of insanity of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Lameness.

Lord give me strength to find you. Guard my heart cause I clearly have no concept of what that means. Help me to see myself as you made me, and not in the manner that I do. Help me to glorify you and love you the way I should. Help my heart and my head to feel you and see you. If things aren’t supposed to happen then I need you to take away the feelings and desires cause it’s killing my heart.

I love you Lord.

Desert Song

I feel like this song was written from the center of my heart.. First off it’s beautiful, but also it’s so vivid to me.. I feel as though I can truly feel what’s being said. Also, the singer with the gray shirt on wrote/ sang this song after she lost her 1 day old baby because he was born 2 1/2 months early.. Her testimony with this song is amazing..


Africa for Thanksgiving!

This Thanksgiving I have the chance to love people for Jesus in a practical way in a place far away. I love when I have opportunities to serve Jesus in unique ways, and I often seek out various methods in which I can express with my actions the love and gratitude I feel towards Jesus. This Thanksgiving I have the chance to go to Ghana Africa to serve on a short term Medical mission trip!

I know that there are things that can be done to serve Jesus here locally, and because of that I regularly participate in my local church, and serve in our community. Serving locally is one of the main reasons I chose to work at Patrick Henry; however, on occasion God provides the amazing opportunity to serve Him overseas.

This Thanksgiving holiday, from November 21 – 28, 2008, I am excited to be working in Ghana, Africa with W.M. Lord Led Missions. Our small team will be helping to plant churches in tribal villages, providing free medical assistance to nationals (the last trip cared for over 300 children and had 1,000 left in line when they ran out of supplies!), planning the addition of a desperately-needed Christian orphanage, and serving in any other area needed.

This trip clearly is a last minute whirlwind of planning and preparation, which is why I desperately need your help both in prayer and financially!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6 Please pray faithfully for physical and spiritual safety, as well as stamina for the packed week of work; for health and healing of those in Ghana; and for lives to be eternally changed.

I need to raise $2,000 for myself, while the team needs a total of $8,000 by November 15th! Please consider supporting us financially with whatever you can contribute for this mission. Please address checks to WM Lord Led Missions and note that all donations are tax-deductible.

Thank you in advance for your partnership in prayer and support of this ministry. It is truly a blessing to go to experience missions such as these, to share the message that has consumed my life, and to watch as the Holy Spirit use the same truth to radically change the people of Ghana for eternity.

“Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. 26I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”– John 17:25-26



The Color of Christ

So, I went to a new small group last night (I’m not forsaking my other one.. but a friend talked me into also trying this one since I had no plans for the night). We used Audio Books and listened to a part of Orthodoxy by Chesterton. We would listen for a bit, pause it and discuss, re-listen or ask questions. It was great lots of fun, very interesting conversation.. but the thing that stuck out the most to me was right near the beginning when Chesterton was talking about how Christianity unlike any other religion or way of life offers creativity, imagination, adventure etc..etc.. We talked about that and what we thought that looked like or how that played a role in our lives.. Which was a great discussion all unto it’s own.. but near the end of the evening the question was asked how does this affect our walk with Christ (or if it does at all) and at what point does the “rubber hit the road”… I of course had a lot to say about that, and was asked to elaborate… but I’ve been thinking about it all day and thought I’d share 🙂

I think the point at which the rubber hits the road is different for everyone.. and it’s meant to be that way. For example, I’ve made it abundantly clear that my passion, my purpose, everything I work towards (or try) in some way shows God’s Love to others.. but that’s CEARLY not the call someone else feels in their life. We were asked how we feel the book has “changed” our view of Christianity, and I said I wasn’t sure it changed it so much as just reinforced it or added color to it… And that seemed to baffle the group of guys I was talking with cause they all asked for me to elaborate.. So, here’s my visual representation…

When you see the picture below it’s nice…

But it’s nothing compared to seeing the exact same picture in color….

When you see it in color after seeing it in black and white your only real reaction is.. “wow”

So, my hope is that you find something that puts more color in your walk with Christ this week.

My Life’s Call

Ok, so after some conversations I’ve decided I need to make perfectly clear (once again) what I know to be my life’s call.

I will love people for Jesus. I will live my life in a manner that will be pleasing in his sight.. whether anyone else is watching or not. So, with that being said let me make some things CRYSTAL CLEAR.

I don’t care about politics. Did you catch that? I do not care about politics. I don’t care about which candidate will raise or lower taxes, I don’t care which one has a better plan for pulling out of Iraq, I don’t care that one has an uncontrollable pastor, and the other has an inexperienced VP choice… The only thing I do in fact care about? Abortion. That alone makes me vote this November, everything else is trivial.

So, here is why I feel I need to explain this: I don’t care about politics (again in case you missed it). My voice cannot be heard through politics, oh sure the idea is great and there is one guy there representing me and a few thousand other people.. but really my voice isn’t being heard. I can’t call anyone in politics that has any real power and get them to take my call, they won’t respond to my e-mails, and they won’t set a meeting up with me to hear what’s important to me. So, in reality my voice isn’t being heard, it’s being heard in mass (like when everyone “floods the gates of Heaven” and all prays at once.. you hear the mass, not the individual).

So, if that is the case, then why would I care to make my stance there? Why would I choose that as my outlet to make a difference for Jesus?.. It’s pointless, especially since I don’t care enough to understand it.. kinda like Chemistry. I don’t get it, but I’m glad someone is there getting it and working at it.

If I can’t make a difference in the souls of anyone.. much less millions, why in the world.. or for the sake of eternity would I choose to waste my effort there? Why would I sit here and debate over which party has a better “plan” cause lets be honest.. they can want to do all kinds of wonderful things, half of which will be compromised like everyone else before them.. and either way.. NONE OF IT SAVES ANOTHER SOUL FOR JESUS. How can I live my life of “one more for Jesus” or “Love people for Jesus” or “Live in a manner that is pleasing to the Lord” if I choose my way of doing that in a way that fires people up, gets them mad at each other or causes bitterness?… and that’s on the person to person level! Where’s the love there? What is the point?

The point? mmmm that’s a good question.. Let me make something else clear to you… McCain, Obama, Biden, Palin.. none of them will “save” our country. The economy always takes a low after a while.. it will come back. But, again none of them will “save us”… The Bible clearly states that times will continue to get worse (did you catch that?.. continue to get worse).. So much so that blood will flow in the streets.. Granted I don’t know if that’s here or in the Middle East, but since I haven’t seen any blood FLOWING in the streets then I am left to assume that it will only continue to get worse… which means it won’t get better.. which means that my job isn’t done.

November 4th is another day just like every other.. I get another opportunity to love people for Jesus, to show his love, to show his joy, and to show his caring nature. Why would I put my hope in Obama or McCain to give me hope of things getting better?.. That’s stupid. I don’t wake up every morning putting my hope on November 4th.. I don’t wake up every morning putting my hope for January.. I don’t wake up every morning with hope for getting married some day.. I don’t wake up every morning hoping that I will have children some day..

I wake up every morning with hope that I will be closer with God than I was yesterday, and that I will live my life to please him, that I will love and show my love to anyone and everyone I come in contact with. THAT is what keeps my heart going every morning.

So, think about it, things WILL get worse no matter who is elected. Your “voice” is not being heard, and why would you choose to show Jesus to people through politics when it clearly isn’t anything that has brought people to their knees crying out to Jesus?

And to be clear.. I will vote for McCain November 4th because he is against Abortion which is murder, but I am voting not because I feel I will make a difference or because I want to have hope for tomorrow but because I understand that everyone SHOULD vote.. So in the midst of this all I choose not to debate over it cause I won’t change my mind and you won’t change yours.. so why argue??

I choose love. Not sappy love, but true, raw, real, explosive, energetic Love.. Agape.