I read a book once (a Tedd Dekker book to be precise) and it used the analogy that sin is like black vinegar, God and His kingdom is like oil… when you start with a jar of oil it is easy to see through and the light shines through it easily.. but the more you let sin creep in the more it pushes the oil out of the jar.. But.. the two cannot mix, there is either oil or vinegar but never are they mixed.

I’m 12 days into reading the Bible through in a year.. you’d be surprised how many chapters they have you reading.. so far I’m on 24 of Genesis, 29 of Psalms, and 15 of Matthew… It’s “time consuming”.. but not really I mean it takes more than 2 seconds to read it every evening.. but I like it. I feel a sense of accomplishment, re-dedication every evening as I continue to read and realize how much I’ve already read. I am looking forward to reading books I’m not sure I’ve ever actually sat down and read through…

Can I just say how much I hate sin though.. I mean I hate it, despise, loath… anything that describes malice.. that’s how I feel towards sin. I truly hate that it’s so much a part of my life that I can’t see it sometimes.. How TERRIBLE IS THAT?! How horrible is it that it simply means missing the mark?.. I hate that I miss the mark on anything. I want to be perfect.. perfection.. that’s what I want. I despise the fact that I, for whatever reason have a laps of reasoning and choose not to express love towards someone or on their behalf. I loath the fact that when faced with the choice I more often than I like, choose to not show Jesus. Grr..

I hurt when I see sin keeping someone from knowing Love the way I know Love. I hate that they have so much vinegar in their glass that they simply aren’t even aware the light is there.. or that there is even such a thing as oil. How terrible the pain Jesus must feel for those people.. for the things they could do but have chosen not to.. for the times they wouldn’t let him love them.. for the choices they make that mean natural consequences must take their course.. How does He do it every moment of every moment.. and still choose them..

I can’t even begin to understand, yet here I am asking to see with His eyes. Hear with His ears. Love what he loves. Hurt for what hurts Him… I don’t know what this means, and I’m beginning to realize it means a lot of hurting and a lot of pain. That’s ok as long as I know He is my light at the end of the tunnel.

I just want Jesus… but I get it now that I don’t just want Jesus.. I want Him with them all there too…

I just wish the path wasn’t so narrow that so many would knowingly choose to miss it.

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