ˌrēˈɡrō/ verb/ gerund or present participle: Regrowing "to grow or be grown anew or continued growth after an injury or after having died or withered"

Thought Consuming..

So, I’ve been thinking about this lately.. What do you think about? What consumes your thoughts? And, I don’t mean daily tasks like grocery lists, honey-do lists, or anything like that..

I mean what are the things that every time your mind gets a chance to wander.. it wanders here… In the morning it tends to be your first thought (after DANG IT I don’t wanna get up of course)… At night it tends to be your last thought (after crap it’s later than I wanted to get to bed..). It’s an interesting exercise to let go of all the fluff and think about what consumes your thought process.. I mean I can say I honestly have…. at least 4 things on my mind at all times. They are occupying different parts of my mind, but there are always 4 of them..

There’s the Conscious what I’m thinking right now the “top of my mind”

Then there’s the “to do” list or things that I need to accomplish.. my mind pretty much always has that… kinda second so once I’m finished with whatever/wherever I am, I check it off.. and move it up the line..

Then there’s the issues from the day/week.. These tend to be problems or things I’m wondering etc..etc.. basically this is where my mind goes when I let it wander on its own 🙂 This is where I consider myself to “mull over” issues.

Then there’s the subconscious level.. 🙂

So what do you mull over? After the immediate and the list, what do you think about most? I feel for me like my heart has a direct line with this section of my brain.. and sometimes it can be a wonderful thing, and other times it can be obnoxious cause it affects every other part of me, regardless of what I want to think or feel.

Currently I feel like I’m kinda sitting and being just in awe of who God is, and then my complete lack of faith in what He says He will do.. I mean I’ve been essentially praying the same prayer for a couple months now.. I want my heart to be broken. I want to FEEL Jesus. I want to see what He sees. I want to hear what He hears. I want to love like He LOVES… I want to BE who He wants me to be… so I mean come-on praying that same general thought pattern, you would think “man she’s determined and really wants those things…” haha.. yes. But no, not really.. Yes I want those things, but at the same time I kinda didn’t really expect Him to do it.

How stupid am I?!

Who prays for something for a couple months.. meaning it and wanting it.. but not really expecting God to DO it?!.. *smacks forehead* I’m a retard. How can you want something enough to pray for it virtually every day.. and not expect God to give you what you desire?..

*sigh* I have so far to go still clearly. Dang it. I’m just really glad He is patient…

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This entry was posted on January 15, 2009 by in God, Jesus, Love, Patience.
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