So, I’ve been thinking lately about how wonderful my God is to me. haha, I know that sounds odd, but really. I don’t really know if it’s simply the things I’m going through and the things I’m praying to Him about, or if it’s because I’ve begun taking steps to actually hear Him, listen and read what He has written me. But, what I do know is when I ask Him to help me, help my hurting heart, cover me with His peace… whatever it is, I FEEL Him do it. sometimes it’s a day or so later, but I think some of that has more to do with me an my stubbornness and the fact that I have to remind myself on a regular basis that this isn’t my fight to win, this is for me to give over to Him and let my Sweet Savior fight it for me.
I’ve also been learning how important it is to trust those around you. I feel like this is a lesson I keep having to re-learn, but seriously I have a tendency to have this feeling that I have to do it all on my own, that I don’t want to “burden” them with my problems, I’d rather just deal with it and not cause them stress. It’s a dumb idea.. like the Army’s old slogan that caused their enrollment to drop significantly.. “Army of One”.. no one actually WANTS to be an army of one. We all desire community, people to help us along our way, friends to make us laugh, those who love us to hug us and make the world better… Sometimes it simply comes down to stubbornness and not allowing God to use others to tell us what He has to say. I don’t want my stubbornness to keep me from hearing my Savior, I don’t want this weird “I can do it myself” mentality to get in the way of allowing someone else to show love. How dare I think I can stand on my own?.. It’s dumb, and I know it’s dumb…
So, what am I doing? I am really trying to surround myself with people I can rely on. I have several friends who have told me over and over that they not only don’t mind hearing what I have to say, but they want to (that was an odd idea for me, even though that’s exactly how I feel about them). A lot of times the hardest part of letting others in is the seeking them out and letting them know you need to talk, a hug or you need simply to have some time with them. I’ve discovered that in certain moods there are certain friends I seriously desire to hang out with because they have this air of peace about them… and I firmly believe that’s because they so seriously seek Jesus and His kingdom. There are also times when I just want to be around people, but not talk, I know I need community, but I know I also don’t really want to talk about it, so I tend to just want to be close in proximity to them, just be in their presence.
I guess most of this is just me wanting to say God is good, and I have amazing friends who show me that all the time. Thanks 🙂