So, I was sitting with a couple of my friends and I realized something… Even when I am unhappy about certain things and aspects of my life, I tend towards contentment. Not because it’s easy, not because I like it more, not even because God says anywhere to be content… Just simply because of a faith I have in my God.. and maybe a little predisposition in my creation that makes me naturally this way.
But, here’s my thoughts on it… It is totally understandable to not feel content in a certain aspect of your life.. usually I take that to mean God is pushing me to either move on, grow, or He is challenging me to do something I am probably not the biggest fan of naturally. That makes sense to me.. Either I have moved.. or God is moving.. one of the two.
However, I do not understand those who say “God told me to come here/do this/be that…” and the very next thing out of their mouth is “I hate this/hate that/hate being here…” That’s a lot different than feeling like God’s moving you and not being sure you like it yet. I am not even sure you can claim you are being faithful and obedient with an attitude of hatefulness towards what you feel God’s asking you to do. Uncertainty I get, feeling like you’re supposed to be somewhere else, having a passion for something other than what you are currently doing, knowing eventually something else is what God has called you to.. all those things I totally understand not being content with the current standings.. I have been there ridiculously more than I care to admit.. But, each time I have never hated where I was.. I have hated certain aspects, and each time I have felt convicted that I was not choosing to follow anything that was asked of me..
For example.. summer ’07- summer ’08.. hated a whole bunch of aspects of my life.. for example, I felt like I was simply getting a paycheck and that my job meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Oh sure I could point to all the good my company did, all the family groups (in my OWN family) that were positively effected by my job and diligent work… but ultimately at the end of the day… I was just pulling in a paycheck. Part of my disdain for my job had to do with the hundreds upon hundreds of times I heard “You’re just too young.. you don’t understand.” … I wanted to respond “You’re too old.. you will never understand.” .. and sometimes I did (oops). However, my saving grace was that I worked my butt off so I had money for gas.. so I could be insanely involved in my youthgroup.. and by insanely, I mean I was at every function we had… I loved being a youth leader. Loved the involvement.. every bit of it, even the leaders meetings, the pizza 3 or 4 days a week, the lack of love and acceptance my kids showed me and each other.. I loved loving them and laughing with them… So, I worked so I could then have money to do what I loved. But, even still.. I felt like my life had somehow hit the pause button. I no longer felt like I was moving, growing, walking the path God had set in my life… I just felt.. stagnant. No other way to describe it.. So, yeah I was not content with a lot of aspect of my life at that point…
And then, a boy broke my heart… seriously.
And then, I got an entire year of living at home, loving my family, and letting them love me.
And then, I went to Africa for the first time.
And then, I was able to “commiserate” with 2 other friends who felt the same way I did.
And then, I learned what it meant to not see my path, not feel like I am moving, and yet see God in dozens of areas of my life.
And then, I was able to spend a year connecting with, learning, and loving extended family that I will probably never get the chance to do that again…
And then, I was able to encourage youth leaders who didn’t know how to continue.
And then, I was able to connect with and love kids who pushed me and every other leader away….
God worked. God moved. I knew it, and I saw it.. and then at the end, a year later I realized I had no choice but to experience that because it sucked and I needed to persevere even when I was blind and my heart was hurting because a boy chose to be dumb.
I realized it was not that God has paused my life.. or put anything on hold… He took a year and made me be still and know he is God.. He fortified my walls, strengthened my communication with Him.. and then sent me to a place to recover and remember how precious and loved I am by Him. I spent the summer of ’08 at a camp where I was begged to come back.. under any circumstances, and I told them no 4 times before I agreed.. I spent the summer being told every day how much I was loved and cherished.. I was reminded how important I am to my sweet Savior… I never once heard I was too young, didn’t understand, or wasn’t mature enough to grasp something… I simply was Krista.. joyful.. loved.. and God refreshed my weary soul..
And then, He sent me to Virginia to be around the most amazing community of people.. who truly love Jesus.. and He somehow uses them to heal me and others. There are aspects of things I know are not my favorite.. I will not be here forever, in fact I have an idea of how long I will be here based on some talks with Jesus… But, the bottom line is I am here.. and I am learning, growing, moving, refreshing, and changing to become who I need to be for a task later in life.. whatever that is.. and, I LOVE that. I love knowing I am preparing for something later. I feel it even when I become bogged down with the monotonous daily tasks…
So, looking at the last two years.. That is why I seriously get frustrated when people not only become discontent with an area of their life.. but with EVERYTHING in it.. and then claim they are there simply cause “God told them.” Baloney.. You either are following or you are not.. and if you are so incredibly unhappy.. you’re probably missing God’s point anyway… and it will take Him LONGER to get you to listen… *sigh*
Even when I do not understand… I choose to be content. Not always right away.. but usually once the emotion of the situation is gone I have come out on the other side choosing contentment regardless… It is a choice, a chosen perspective, a point of view you will have to fight for. Just… just choose to be content and you will see totally differently.