I have really been learning a lot over the last couple weeks about being enough. What does it mean to be enough? In the eyes of my Savior I can never DO enough to be any more special or make Him any more proud… On the same token, I can never DO anything to make myself any less special or precious to Him. He made me exactly the way I am, and being THAT person is what makes me special to Him.. because He created me, that alone makes me enough.
So, that’s the big revelation I guess.. but it has been a bit of journey.. and an interesting one at that.
Starting a few weeks ago drama began to just follow me everywhere I went it seemed like. Work, home, friends.. people would call me with issues I was supposed to fix. I would do things the way I had always done them, and suddenly it was causing issues with people out of the blue. It became apparent very quickly that regardless of what I was doing I could not solve the issues, I could not be “good enough” to solve the problems.
However, I definitely began down the thought process of “what do I need to change?” “What do I need to do better?” “Where am I failing?” … I had it all planned out even, on my long trip home I was going to make one of my best friends help me process it out. I was going to make them help me find weaknesses and areas I needed improving, and I would begin the process of thinking and mulling it over so I could make it better. I would be able to fix the issues, and I would become “a better person” … More loving, understanding, compassionate, better able to communicate and meet the needs of those around me… etc..etc.. the list literally has no end.
And then, a totally unexpected and out of the blue message was sent to me. It was from a fairly new friend, but one that I hang out with almost daily because of the group of friends I have that they have seemlessly fit into. Anyway, the message explained how they are not overly emotional, but felt I needed to know how much I have blessed their life. They went on to explain that my friendship made them stop cold and realize how lucky they are to have me in their life.. and how they had now joined my “fan club” haha 🙂 This friend has absolutely no idea how big of an impact this message made to me. It literally 180’d my thinking. What blew me away the most.. I haven’t a clue what they are referring to, because beyond praying for them and being a friend (which to me seems basic) I have done nothing abnormal. I tried telling this friend that I really appreciated what they had to say, it meant a lot, and I needed to hear someone say exactly what they did… But, I still do not think they will ever really understand.
You see… When I got that message is when it really clicked that it had nothing to do with what I have “done” … even the good things that bless others, really is not me at all. Mostly because I do not have a clue what does and does not mean a lot to other people (several things have pointed to that this recently). Still thinking about it I really have no idea what I have done that caused such a sweet and heartfelt message to be sent my way 🙂