Matters of Intent…

So, expectations get me into trouble all the time (as I am sure they do for anyone).. But, seriously, I try very hard not to have expectations or if I do have a clear understanding that it is an expectation, and there will be the very real possibility of things either not being like I thought and wanted, or that the plans will be totally different. This usually keeps me from getting disappointed.

Also, I am not a fan of pranks. Pretty much ever. The only time I have found them truly funny is when a “peace offering” was included as a way to ensure that I did not take offense, and that I would find the work worth it for the little surprise included. Otherwise, the problem comes in that sometimes the prank falls flat, they find it at the completely wrong time, and while they know the intention was not meant to be mean or malicious, it is just one more thing to deal with right now… I am my mother’s daughter, I take this view of pranks and of jokes about people. Sometimes jokes go to the point of no longer being funny, and just being one more thing the person has to endure…

Also, I realize I am a very open person, very easy to get to know, and very personable. But, the problem comes in when there are things I find very personal. Most people do not realize that I hold these things personal because I hide that aspect in order to protect it. I honestly cannot hold these things against anyone for the fact that I do not talk about these things as personal, I simply avoid them as a topic… But, when you assume you have liberty where you do not actually KNOW you have freedom to do, act, or say… I will virtually always fake being ok, but I will also be hurt.

When I am faced with situations where I am hurt, upset, or offended, I will pretend I am ok for the greater good of those around me. When I know they intended things to be funny, it was a bonding experience for them, or it would take more explaining for things I do not want to explain… or worse it would cause them to be hurt I will not go there unless directly asked. If I am asked directly I will not lie.. but I may avoid and change the topic in an effort to protect them.

Like so many other things in life, situations like these are choices in attitude. I know this, and mostly I have to plead and beg and sit at the foot of my Jesus asking Him to help me. I cannot change my feelings or attitude.. while I can fake it, eventually my heart will follow, but it will take more time then I would like.

Like so many other things in life it boils down to loving others. I have no idea if this way I express it is the best, or even correct. It is just the best way I know how to handle it at this point in time.

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