Determined Patience…

I hate how randomly I can feel like I am overcome with these waves of restlessness… Today, part of my restlessness could literally be that I have been sitting in the same chair for 7 hours working on the same project, and to add to all of it, my butt’s numb haha…

In this very moment, I have this overwhelming desire to be impatient with God. HA! Awesome. I really want to spaz on Him and go off and handle whatever situations I can see in whatever way strikes my fancy… I want to explain to Him all the things that are not going at the pace I wish they were… haha (I am a dumb girl I know this…) Today, there is a whole list of things I wish I knew, and things I want to know how they will turn out, the answers I want but really should not have yet. I want these things because I know that there is a lot coming my way that could really blow my mind, hurt, scare me, or bring me immense amounts of laughter and happiness… Basically I wish to be God… ?!?!… Well, not really, but in a sense that is what those feelings are telling me, that in all of this my desire to know is overtaking my desire to know WHO will bring these things to me…. :/ No wonder the Bible talks about how feelings are fleeting… sheesh!

I can list a dozen situations in my life without even trying that I am on the brink of, all the various paths I could take, and yet I have to sit here and wait. I cannot choose one, cannot walk away, I simply have to wait. I can do this. I. Can. Do. This! I do not want my emotions to rule what I know should be done and what will without a doubt be worth waiting for. Time to return once again to praying for Jesus to invade my thoughts and emotions, and to guide me in the correct path. The funny thing in all of this is, it is not really like any of this is “hard” it truly is just that I do not WANT to be patient… haha How dumb is that? I mean, I will be patient because I truly do not desire to allow my feelings to rule how I will ultimately respond, but man am I a dumb girl sometimes haha… I know and desire ultimately one thing, but then boredom, sitting too long, restlessness, a bad mood, a never ending list of things can cause me to want something else… Oh how I hate the double mindedness that makes up who I am… Days like today are examples of how obvious it is why I need a Savior…

I need food.. and to get up and move around haha… (I’m dumb and I know it… trust me…)

Random side note.. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS WEEKEND!… I get to see a whole slew of friends this weekend. A friend who moved away in February will be back for the weekend, and I already warned him I get a HUGE hug… Plus, my best friend from college and his wife are coming in to celebrate Easter with me!… THEN, I’m heading to Charleston for next week… ahh it’s gonna be fantastic! I am so ridiculously excited about it… 2 days and counting… Now for my voice to return to me…. haha

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