Is my faith certain?
This question has nothing to really do with doubting my faith so much as processing through the things I “know” to make sure I truly honestly believe with absolute certainty… deep down inside where doubt begins seeping through…
I was thinking last night as I was laying in bed really tired but unable to sleep (again), that I have absolutely no clue what is coming next. I am certain of a few things…
1. God told me this would go down like this.
Dos. I am out of a job in 3 1/2 months.
III. God hasn’t told me what to expect, but He has told me not to worry.
D. I am not worried or stressed, but I am being diligent in making sure I am not getting lax or lazy during this time.
I am really enjoying this point in time where I am just totally content. I feel quieted inside, and at peace… Which, has proven to be beyond amusing for me when others find out about my pending loss of a job. I am being consistent at work, staying diligent with my homework, and making sure to continually look for a new job. I find myself praying about my job a lot, but most of my prayers are still sticking with my friends away at war, the people I know struggling with illnesses or having a difficult something or other in their life… And, I am ok with the fact that most of my prayers stay there instead of focusing on something as trivial as a job and bills… I am really working at constantly remind myself that God has worked everything out absolutely perfectly up to now, why would I suddenly worry?
In other news, I am loving the totally content feeling I have in all areas of my life.. including the area of guys. Because of previous relationships I finally am at a place where I have no desire to “make it work.” I desire to be pursued, fought for, loved, and did I mention pursued? I took a couple months and really looked at the way I view guys in regards to me, and I am pretty happy with where I have settled. My basic thoughts lie around, guys (and people in general) are hurt and broken just like me… but, that does not mean bitterness and hurt need to rule my perspective of them. I have come to a point where I do not care to push and work at a relationship until I know the guy is pushing and working just as hard, that he is willing to fight for our relationship and me, and until then I maintain my neutral state. I am not bitter, hurting, nor fighting to keep guys away.. I am simply just trusting God to protect my heart, and going about living my life.
I have no doubts that Jesus will bring the man I need into my life at the right time… until then I have things to do, work to get done, places to go, people to see…. and lots of homework to do!
Thank you Jesus that your unwavering, undoubting, completely certain Faith has found me, and brought with it peace.