Most of the time I am full of laughter and joy… Recently though, I have felt incredibly grumpy. I mean I have still laughed at things, had good times with friends and such, but I am so easy to annoy and put in a bad mood recently.. or at least that is how I feel, even if no one else notices…
I have discovered a severe disdain for economics… Specifically Market Structures and all of the ridiculous graphs, curves, lines, and anything having to do with marginal or total… This week has pretty much consisted of homework = insta-pissy-krista… Sorry to all my friends who talked to me during my homework periods this week…
Work has been.. interesting.
I feel.. frumpy. I haven’t worked out in a few months, and I NEED TO.. I seriously miss it.. enough to have decided I am heading back to the gym because it is easier than fitting anything else into my schedule at the moment.. And, this I feel fat and gross thing.. not working for me… And, before anyone tries to figure out a way to “make Krista feel better” I really think it is just a need for the sweat inducing endorphins… I know I “look fine,” I just feel gross… But I have to wait until the next paycheck.. Dang.
I miss several people a whole heck of a lot… they have no idea.
The one good thing from the last week was putting together a Christmas package for my Chaplain friend in Afghanland.. It took me and one of my roomie’s 4 hours.. and we swapped stories and laughed the whole time, it was definitely much needed.
A few nights ago as I lay FREEZING in bed trying to breath, not cough, and sleep at the same time, I laid there and paused for longer than I have in a very long time and just prayed for various troubles going on in my life and the life of those I love. Things people need like jobs, income, comfort, and a few to have their faith restored… It was at that point that I realized I have been so busy.. doing whatever task is directly in front of me that I realized I have forgotten to take time to be.. to do whatever.. to do something just for the fun of it because I wanted to.. No wonder I am tired and fighting headaches a lot recently. I cannot even begin to express how much it frustrates me that I do not feel like I am hearing God right now.. and mostly because I am not MAKING time to sit and be still. Oh gosh how I miss the feeling of that time… And then I sit and wonder why I am a grump… haha.. I am such a dumb, slow, child of our Savior. You would think I would learn… But, no.. I cycle through like this so often it is infuriating.
Oh my sweet Savior… Come rescue me from myself again. Remind me who you are, who I am… and who I am not. Calm my anxious heart and speak peace into my mind. Forgive me for the things I have chosen to do that are ridiculous and stupid, but more, forgive me for the things I have not done that you ask me to do. Bring the people into my life that I need to remind and ground me, show me who I you want me to reach out to. Give me words and keep me silent before I prove myself a fool. I am desperate for your restoring waters, fill my weary bones, restore my aching body, make new my heart.
“Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.” – Ps. 119:35