Today work was.. fine, but interesting because I can tell God is moving inside of me, I felt different, and my reactions were less.. obnoxious (at least to me). I felt myself reasoning through into patience.. (YES!!.. Thank you Jesus!).
I continue to think about and mull over what God is doing and how the Holy Spirit is moving inside of me.. Because He is, and I can feel Him slowly loosening my grip on things wiping away the grime off my windows and shining Himself into my dustiness.
I called one of my best friends tonight as I drove.. I. Love. Her. I just called mostly because I really missed her and did not have anything particular to say, but wanted to ramble away about nothingness. But, true to form she always figures out something is off, and not necessarily wrong, just there is something ticking away inside my head… So, we chatted about the things I have begun to realize. Here are a few…
No, I am not actually happy in DC… But, I will be.
I have been incredibly stressed, and feeling like “I just need to survive”
I have had worse than no patience.
The last two months have been about making it, not actually enjoying it.
I do not feel like people understand me here.
I can FEEL my defensive walls, and I loath them.
I have to stop looking at DC as temporary and take every moment I have.
I stopped looking for the reasons God brought me here and planted me.
I cannot re-create Lynchburg, I was asked to make something new.
I miss my group of friends who totally understood me and brought out the best in me.
While I can love on the Saved.. I can never forget the Lost.
I am Loved, and I will pass that on.
God will help me. Slowly I will begin to unclench my fists. Little by little I will relax and actually be myself, instead of just reflexive reactions. One day at a time I will begin to see like blazing suns the purpose God has for me, the promises He’s made to me, and the revelations along my journey… I will be obedient.. But first, I have to actually start listening to His whispers.