How interesting the last 24 hours has been…
Let me just start with, I am blessed. I am blessed when I am dumb, selfish, retarded, and obstinate. I am blessed when I have my most put together selfless days. I. Am. Blessed.
I have amazing friends who never stop showing their love for me.
I have roomies who laugh with me.. and at me constantly… And who make me food while my butt goes numb trying to figure my homework out… and then stay up late helping me with my homework.
I have the worlds cutest family that truly are just awesome people.
I have worked with some amazing people, and work with some awesome ones even still today.
I am blessed.
And yet, I still find myself going.. “hmm.. ok Lord, what are you doing?..”
Work is paying the bills, but not quite the peaches and cream I was hoping for.. Although, I am learning a whole lot and LOVE my supervisor. I am very frustrated with how some things are getting handled.. and just wish I had the authority to handle them… Cause I would.
I wish I was smarter, and my homework came easier. Instead I find myself every day going “Why did God ask me to do this again?!”… Praise the Lord (no seriously) that I only have 2 years left. However, I have always said, some people are just smart (like my parents and older brother and younger sister).. other people (like me and my little brother) really have to work hard to be smart and learn, and this is a great reminder of what I do not know.. Definitely humbling. School does not come naturally to me, and I certainly do not enjoy the process… Especially when it is a topic I don’t really care about.. (lame)
Big changes are coming again (do you ever feel like begging God for something you can grasp, understand, and like?… No?.. Me neither.. haha jk), while part of me loves challenges, I am facing a few on the outskirts of my life that are really perplexing. I have absolutely no idea what God is doing or why He has put this person, that situation, and these circumstances in my life.
What is interesting in this whole process… I can feel a battle taking place inside of my heart that I am not even fighting. As in, I can feel the human “old man” trying to rise up and take grip of my heart and mind with fears and what if’s.. and I can feel the Holy Spirit taking the battle and fighting it for me replacing it with peace. And, I am thankful.. Seriously, unabashedly thankful for knowing it is taking place, but that I do not have to win the fight, that is God’s to do.
I am continuing to read the “New Thru 30” (the entire NT in 30 days).. and it’s a challenge.. and I am a solid day behind, but I am loving the read.. I mean down to my core I am loving the reminders that Jesus overcame the world, and my faith can move mountains and uproot trees, and my Love for those around me is the biggest most important thing I can do.. I am loving these reminders.. And, I find myself spending a lot of time thinking about all the small things, like Luke mentions that not everything Jesus did or said was recorded because basically it would fill the entire world with books, and my first thought was “COME ON!…I want to read those books!!!” I am thankful for this ridiculously challenging reading schedule because it’s causing me to push towards the one I love so much more… even if I am speed reading sometimes 😉
So, while I have a lot of things to face in the next couple months, work stuff, roomie stuff, doctors stuff, car stuff, school stuff, etc..etc.. I know with absolute certainty that God’s got this too, and I will not worry, no matter how much my flesh, mind, human-dumbness side want to. I am blessed and I am thankful.