Lost in Thought…

I don’t know if anyone else ever gets like this, but there are days.. sometimes weeks where I am constantly lost in my thoughts. Lately I have been here.. just totally absorbed in whatever I am thinking.. which usually takes place when I drive, and since I have been doing a lot of driving, I have also been doing a lot of thinking. But, what is cool in the whole thing is how much processing is getting done, how much praying I have been doing, and how much I have finally had the chance to realize why I have been responding the way I have to certain things going on in my life and the lives of those around me…

This weekend I drove down to Lynchburg again (I think I have bought stock in the roads I take..) to help throw one of my besties her bridal shower (she’s getting married in 2 weeks to one of my other best friends… SO EXCITED!). And, the drive down was by far the fastest drive I think I have ever made.. only it took the typical 4 hours after work, but I was so engrossed in thought and prayer that I apparently was not really focused on driving.. although I remember the entire drive…

I am so thankful for a couple things and have been really praying about a few other things…

Mostly I am thankful that I currently do not loath my job… Just that weight alone has made a HUGE difference in the amount of laughter that has returned to my life. Thank you Jesus!

While my class is not my favorite, it is also the one that I have understood the most (sadly it’s statistic too!).. and the one the professor is really working with me, offering me extra credit problems (which let’s be honest, that’s a win-win for everyone.. but mostly for my education!).

I am unbelievably thankful for the nice weather, and the warm temperatures. I know most people hate the heat, but I literally HATE cold.. I hate being cold.. I hate being in the cold.. It just makes me kinda grumpy… So, the extended daylight hours and warmer temperatures have done wonders for my body feeling alive again!

Sleep is not exactly my friend recently.. especially with this newly acquired cough from all the airplane rides lately.. But, somehow I have not turned into a grump with the severe lack of sleep.

I miss my church here in DC… but, I am really thankful for getting to visit my other churches from the various other places I have lived. Yesterday I was brought to tears by all the men/dads who went forward after the service… I did not realize how much I have been starved of solid Christian men recently who earnestly seek the Lord and want to be the men/dads etc.. they were created to be until I burst into tears yesterday. I mean, let’s be honest, I have amazing men in my life… My dad, brothers, friends etc.. but none of them are here in the Metro DC area for me to interact with on a regular bases. There is just something about those Christ following, Y chromosome carrying beings that moves my heart… Which leads me to another thought and prayer…

I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately.. partially due to the high number of weddings, but also partially due to the nature of girl conversations.. A guy texts, fb, e-mails etc.. and it becomes the source of girly talk for a while… Needing all the details, thoughts, etc.. regardless of what the contents that were included actually were. But, in the midst of it all, I find myself totally content to be exactly where I am… Life is crazy right now, and I know that. Trying to ask a man to come and get me right now would be a horrible thing to task him with… However, even still I know that I still desire to get married and have a family, but more than that I need to serve my savior.. regardless of what that looks like. I would love for a man to come “sweep me off my feet” and for everything that goes with that.. But, my reality is, my life is not conducive for that right now.. and I am ok with that. I also chatted with a couple friends about what would I do IF a guy decided to willingly enter into my chaos.. (because we’re girls and we like these types of talks).. And, I had to explain that my perspective is not due to me being against a relationship or lacking a desire for one.. but merely because I recognize the ridiculousness in asking someone to pursue me right now. I would without hesitation create time for him (which would likely mean less sleep), but that I do not have time to create opportunity for him to pursue, wait for him to pursue, then make time for him… That is just too much. However, if he (this figment of girls imagination guy) chose to pursue me anyway, knowing what is going on in my life, then I would gladly make room for him if I thought there was a chance… But until then, I will assume that every man who enters my life is there to fill a friend role.

So, all in all life is finally feeling less oppressed. A friend even commented “you laughed and giggled a lot.. is everything ok?” and it helped me to realize just how much life can become drudgery when so many factors are playing into our stress… I like when my first reaction is to laugh instead of merely fake a smile.

Thank you God that things are looking up finally!

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