When I Don’t Even Know…

There are times when I really just don’t even know.. I don’t get it.. I don’t understand.. and I just get really frustrated.

Today was one of those days… Well, really I have been thinking a lot about stuff lately, and I began talking about some of it with one of my besties last night.. which usually causes me to mull for a bit and become very introspective.

Most of my thoughts are more of the same.. Meaning, a lot of thought about work, school, and the life I have currently. My biggest overall frustration is my lack of direction.. I begin to feel like I am floundering around in the deep end of the pool and not getting anywhere, and really just focusing on getting my head above water long enough to get a breath of air. Which. I. Hate. (not the breath of fresh air.. the fact that THAT becomes my goal)… I really dislike when I do not feel like I have a direction or goal in life. I feel as though I am learning a lot right now, but more in the immeasurable ways. I feel as though everything I am learning really has more to do with the small far corners of my mind and heart, building up the patience (oh joy) and tolerance (again oh joy) in ways that only come into handy when you are in the heat of a moment later… at which point you become incredibly thankful for the time you did not really like or want to go through..

All this to say, one day I will be blogging about how thankful I am to have gone through this desert… But today I am just really frustrated at the lack of direction in my life.

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