Sometimes I forget how unusual things in my life are until I talk to someone else and get the chance to see myself and my life from someone else’s eyes. Before I get too far into this thought… A couple perspective setting verses.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies” – 1 Cor. 6: 19-20
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” – 1 Cor. 7:3-5
So, here we plunge…
Yes, I am still a virgin. I know this is an odd thing to blog about, and to some I am sure it is even a little crude, but I have a specific purpose behind what I am doing.. And, I am walking through this explanation because I am not my own. I was bought with a price, and no one gains further insight into purity and God gains no glory by my silence. Not to mention my silence could possibly be construed as embarrassment or shame in the fact that I have not had sex yet at 26 (and a half) years of age… Which is simply not where my perspective is…
My relationship with Christ and my virginity are probably the two most intensely personal things in my life. However, neither of them were ever meant to be private, meaning I have no shame, embarrassment, or problem talking about them. So then, why bring it up and open the discussion? Couple reasons, most of which stem from 4-5 different people who have asked or brought it up in conversation in the last month. I was relaying to my mom yesterday that I never anticipated my introduction being along the lines of “Hi, I’m Krista, I work in Communications, I’m in Grad school, I’m a virgin, I just moved to DC, I love salsa dancing, I love Jesus….” Haha.. Who knew.
So, without further ado.. Let’s talk about this.
These are the answers that I have been giving to the common questions that apparently are perplexing to the masses (ironically Christians AND non-Christians alike)…
- Yes, I have kissed a guy (3 to be exact).
- No, I am not a virgin by accident (I don’t even know what that means..”by accident”..).
- No, it doesn’t bother me that I’m 26 and have never had sex.
- I plan on waiting until I’m married. Period. However, if that “never happens” it’s no skin off my back, and I am perfectly fine with that.
- I refuse to exchange sex for a false sense of security and companionship…
- No, I am not afraid of “being alone.”
- My need for Physical, Spiritual, Emotional, and Mental compatibility outweigh my desire to satisfy my “sexual desires.”
- Just because I am a virgin does not mean I don’t know what a sexual drive is… I just control it.
- No, it’s not unhealthy to control it…
- I control it because giving in to it leads to a fake mere shadow of what it was meant for, which leads to loneliness, which leads to depression, which leads to mediocrity in more areas of life that could have otherwise been avoided.
- Yes, some day I do want to have sex… with one man.. my husband.
- I actually find a lot of comfort knowing he will be “the only one.”
- No, I am not worried about compatibility.
- Yes, I will marry a man who is not a virgin if that is who I fall in love with…
- No, I don’t take it personally, he didn’t do it TO me.
- If he slept with another girl(s) before he became a Christian, then he has been forgiven and restored in the eyes of God, if it happened after he became a Christian, then he has been forgiven and restored in the eyes of God.. Either scenario would require us to just talk about it… Like we will everything else.
- Regardless of his past, it is primarily between him and Jesus, I am the bystander, not the victim.
- No, it doesn’t bother me to talk about the fact that I am still a virgin, and no the questions aren’t too private.
- Yes, I will and have talked about it with my parents..
- No, it’s not awkward… Their raising and parenting play a huge role in the reason I am and believe the way I do. I see no need to be awkward or embarrassed about that.
- I am well aware that it is shocking I’m still a virgin for multiple reasons.. including the fact that I have tattoos, piercings, salsa dance, dye my hair, drink alcohol, and seem to be “normal” in most socially acceptable ways.. I am totally ok with the paradox that is blowing your mind.
I am open about this because hiding it does no one any good. I have not bought nor paid the price for my virginity, and therefore it is not mine to give away. This aspect of who I am is Christ’s, just like my heart and soul. When I get married (as my friends so awesomely described it last weekend) it will be a Jesus giving me to my husband, and my husband to me kinda thing, because it is Christ alone who has paid for us. So, in light of this, my silence on the matter only saves me a potentially awkward conversation (or many conversations).. but my voice gives God the glory and credit for the place I find myself today. And, if my story gives someone hope, encouragement, or causes them to curiously seek my Savior… Then I absolutely must share my story.
To God be the glory… Even in my talking about my virginity.