Last night I found myself engaged in a conversation that boiled down to the illusion of marriage. It all started because a guy I had literally just met a few minutes prior barged in, sat down, introduced himself to the people he did not know in the room, and joined in the tail end of a birthday party for my friend. A couple minutes into general conversation he asked a couple girls and I since we are “modern, cosmopolitan women…” would we agree to a prenuptial agreement before marriage. Somewhat surprising to myself, all of us instantly said some form of “no way.” Which, slightly to my enjoyment seemed to baffle the guy, but instantly catapult us into a fairly aggravating conversation about marriage, the business and economical impact of marriage, the disillusionment and romanticism of marriage, and sadly what were clearly his understanding of marriage… Which was even more disheartening due to the fact that he was sitting on the couch of his fiance, who feigned a lack of interest and began cleaning up after the part.
Throughout the entire conversation he insisted that marriage was just a different form of a business, that it was the smartest decision someone could make economically, and therefore a prenuptial agreement was the most logical and common sense steps on the way to marriage. Because, after-all, what if years down the road life takes a dramatic turn and both parties realize it is no longer working, it only makes sense to have that set up.
And, while I understand his points, I get the “wise” thought process included in his train of thought, I also believe it is pure and simple a contingency plan in case things do not go the way they are supposed to. I understand, and get the pains of divorce while doing my best to support my friends who have experienced it, I know that life rarely turns out the way we plan it, and I am no stranger to people suddenly being different and deciding they know longer want you… My view of a prenuptial agreement is not based on a disillusionment about marriage, and is not based on the romanticism of what love is like. My view of a prenuptial agreement is that it already provides a crack that can be later used to decide to walk away, it allows the idea of “just in case this doesn’t work out, I will still be financially stable..” thought process to be firmly planted in the back of our minds. It creates a false sense of security, and sets the stage for money to be a focus of the marriage.
If one day I get married, my husband turns out to be a complete jerk, and eventually walks out on me, either fairly quickly into the marriage, or after years upon years of marriage, family, and children. I am well aware of the risk I would be taken, I have watched it happen to numerous people around me. I have watched as loved ones were abused, cheated on, and walked out on… I purposefully choose to take my hands off the control involved in marriage, that is God’s job, I am not foolishly walking into this blinded, especially since as it stands currently there is no romance, love or plans of marriage, so I can confidently say nothing is clouding my perspective.
Then, like now, as in the past, God is going to be in control. I have no need for a contingency plan, my faith and belief is that my God will work it all out to glorify himself, and regardless of whether I get my fairytale or I end up in what feels like a cruel version of punk’d, I will trust that God is still God, and I am not. I knowingly am choosing to walk into the potentially hazardous waters without the false sense of security a prenuptial agreement would offer.