I was driving to work this morning and found myself somewhere between thrilled about the sun blasting my retinas and annoyed at the sheer blinding power of the light. I love the feeling the sunshine gives me, but I hate it early in the morning because I am pretty sure it takes me a couple hours to fully wake up. Plus, I also know in a couple months I will feel starved for sunlight, and more than likely make my way to my annual fake sun places to absorb some man made UV light.. This was the beginning of totally random fleeting thoughts during my morning commute which then mixed with sending a few encouraging text messages to friends and family (at stop lights due to the fact that DC driving and texting = instant party with Jesus). I realized the correlation between my thoughts and feelings towards the sun, friends, and the journey I have been on the last couple years.
Out of almost nowhere, I find myself content again. Totally satisfied with where God has me. I feel normal again, I laugh easily and often once more, thoughts of school or relationships no longer bring very negative visceral reactions, and while the sheer aggravation I experience at work most days is exactly the same, my attitude and perspective has changed. I am so thankful.
What is ironic is I remember telling someone near the end of the summer of ’09 that life was just perfect, and I was almost afraid to utter those thoughts because I was fairly certain some rough waters were ahead. I had felt like it was the perfect calm before the storm… (boy was I right on the money with those feelings) You see, my storms tend to have waves of disaster associated with them. 2010 was full of a new mega disaster each month.. I handled it ok, and thankfully was completely surrounded by a support network of family and friends to get me through. The end of 2010 and 2011 so far has been like a slow boiling pressure cooker. I literally felt like I was going to explode like Mount Vesuvius…
I was working so hard to control how things were coming out that not enough stress or pressure was getting released to make any significant difference, and I began dreading the (what felt like ) inevitable explosion, and the poor soul(s) around who would have to take the brunt of that disaster. And, while the support network was there, it had dramatically changed, and no longer felt the same, which left me feeling very alone and protective of myself.
Then out of nowhere God intervened and caused (for no apparent reason) a stillness that was felt to my core, and suddenly I feel at peace once more.
All this to paint a picture of what has changed…
All of these thoughts and pictures lead me to realize this morning that it is my turn to be the rallying support for my family and friends who are struggling. It is my turn to support, uphold, encourage, and pray knowing that God will come to their rescue. It is my turn to hold up the arms of my loved ones who are tired (As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. – Exodus 17:11-12).
I know it is not I myself that will change anything, it is not my job to solve their problems, and they will inevitably have to walk through this period just like I did. But, I also know that they will get through this time, just like I did…
In the end, they will feel the peace to their core like a bright sunshine filled morning in a field full of dew.
One thought on “Field Full of Dew…”
beautiful.thanks for this, I needed to read this. You're posts make me connect to myself.