Cannot Be Repaid…

I have had a bucket list of things I want to do for pretty much as long as I can remember.. it has gone through various phases and updates, taken the form of barely more than excited thoughts of adventure to a running list with accomplishments crossed out.

Tonight I want to focus on one small one that I put on my bucket list because it would serve as a forever reminder that life is bigger than me.. That I am selfish, but if I can truly pull this off, then it serves as yet another reminder that Jesus makes me new and more like Him every day.

“Do something for someone they cannot repay.”

That is on my bucket list. I want to get in the habit of doing things for people with literally no thought of reward for myself. Sometimes things I do come with a subconscious understanding that I will reap some sort of reward.. Sometimes, I know that through my actions God will bless me.. and other times, like in the case of this item on my bucket list.. The sheer idea of it is too big for me to accomplish on my own and that is partially why this is one of my favorite things on my bucket list. Because this is the type of thing that really is so beyond myself that I just want to be a part of it…

A few weeks ago, I think I found what will fulfill this. I do not know if it will pan out, but I really want it to and I am scared for it to turn out at the same time.

I know that by posting the specifics, it puts it out there for criticism, judgement, and concerns from those who are convinced that I do not think things through or that I act rashly often times.. or because they are just natural worriers.. But, I also know that it gives me the chance to share this process regardless of how it turns out, and it all gives Jesus another chance to shine… 

So, here goes, a couple of years ago I met a now friend and her husband through a mutual close friend of ours. I found out then, but did not think much more about the fact that her husband had kidney failure and has been dealing with it for (now three) years. Anyway, thanks to social media I have been able to keep up (ok more like stalk) her and her husband, their recent pregnancy and birth of their first beautiful baby (a girl!).. and of course all the adorable pictures that ensure with cute babies!

However, he has begun to seriously look for a kidney donor due to his kidney failure. So, I thought about it for about a week or so, and decided that I would go get tested to see if I am a match. That was the least I could do since the first step is to be the same blood type, and since I am O- and he is O.. first step is done. I have sent in the first of what will likely be numerous documents in the process of getting tested to see if I can donate one of my kidneys to him.

Which means that now begins the heavy lifting of my prayers about this whole thing.. For me, for him, for their family, and for anyone else who I have no idea will be touched because of Jesus’ hand on this whole situation… That last part is what excites me the most.

I know there are lots of risks, life would be different, more challenging, and there are a serious number of risks and medical complications later in life for me with one kidney…

I. Know. It. Is. Dangerous.

But, how can I say no if there is a chance I could save his life… or dramatically improve his quality of life at the very least? How can I say no to someone’s new baby girl? How could I say no to my friends?..

And, it all comes back to “God’s will, not mine.” So, if this is supposed to happen, and it is a part of God’s plan for my life and the life of my friends, then all of the steps (and there are a lot of them) will work out seamlessly, there will have no doubt that this is supposed to work out exactly this way. If this is not God’s will, then there are plenty of doors to close along the way… So, in this process, I am going until God says no… Which tends to be my mode of operating the last few years anyway… I have just enough faith to know my savior is capable of anything, and this is just a fraction of how he could use me to change the lives of others.

If you think about it, please pray because this situation is gonna need a lot of Jesus to work out.. whether it works out with my involvement or someone else’s…

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