How do you respond when you are having a conversation with someone you care about, and it is a topic that makes you uncomfortable and feel vulnerable?… I ramble.. I make significantly less eye contact.. and sometimes I get flush in the face. It is lovely (please note the sarcasm).
However, I had one of these types of conversations last night, and it was interesting to say the least. The overall conversation was really good, it did not go at all how I thought it would (which typically is a good thing), and the response to what I was bringing up and talking about was not at all what I was expecting (also a good thing). I typically try to prepare the person I am talking to in advance, letting them know that I need them to understand what I mean instead of necessarily hearing what I am saying, and then I usually apologize for the massive amounts of rambling that is about to take place as I try to muddle my way through the emotional thoughts that are about to fall out randomly…
What is interesting to me though is how God is using these types of conversations to grow me in ways I have yet to experience and in ways I was not at all expecting.
One of the most bizarre things that took place during the conversation last night was I literally felt my head and heart trying to wrap my mind around what I was hearing.. I knew I was hearing truth, I knew that the response to my emotional ramblings was authentic, but most of all, I knew that the value being communicated while coming from this person, was actually a sweet whisper slowly expanding in my heart from my wonderful creator reminding me that I am treasured… While the voice came from the incredibly sweet and thoughtful person sitting next to me on the couch, the words were entirely that of my Lord… And, I eloquently responded internally with what was the equivalent of stuttering, “uh..uh.. uh.. w..w..what?” You see, I had no issues understanding cognitively what was being said to me, but what I struggled believing was that the truth in the words applied to me, to every part of who I am, and that my value has little to nothing to do with me at all, has nothing to do with my actions, my past, my successes or my failures.
My value and worth comes from my Lord.
I am always amazed and so incredibly thankful for the people that God uses to speak to me in new and special ways. I love how each person fills a specific role, has a unique place in my life, and how so many people can say the exact same thing.. but somehow when a certain person says it, the meaning and impact take on a completely different meaning and light. What I love even more is when the person is clueless as to the profound impact they have made on me. I get so amused when I try to communicated and explain what has happened and how God has used them, I get this sweet smile, but a completely unknowing and not understanding smile in response.
My God is awesome, and I love how He never ceases to amaze.