Thank You to Men…

Over the last little while I went out on a date with a couple different guys, and while I did not find the love of my life, instead I found myself reminded of how thankful I am.

First and foremost, thank you men for being decent, nice, kind, considerate, gentlemanly, and understanding. My dates reminded me that genuinely nice guys do still exist… And, I do not mean that in the classic “nice guy” kind of way, but in a completely real way. I was reminded that guys can be incredibly gracious even when I am upfront about how I feel or do not feel. I was astounded and so thankful that there are still men out there who are good and seeking Christ… I was glad for the reminder that “all the good ones” are not already taken.

Second thing I was reminded of is, there is nothing wrong with me because I am single still. I am not missing something, and God is not asking me to lower my standards (because trust me I have been asking lately).

I am so thankful for the good men in my life, whether they are taken or not (married, dating or otherwise), I am also well aware of the fact that I am so blessed to have so many amazing men around me to take care of me when I need help and who are genuine friends to me.

Thank you to the men who are gracious, kind, gentle, funny, considerate, understanding, decent, nice, protective and who go out of your way to care for the single women around you instead of viewing us as anything other than a friend or as a part of your family. Words cannot adequately express how much I appreciate the men I know who are not “interested” in me, BUT still care about me and seek to be my friend.

So, basically this is just a really long winded way of saying, thank you to the men who are genuine and seeking Christ.

Double-Minded…

Sometimes I amaze (and frustrate) myself at how double-minded I can be about some things in my life. In general, I tend to lean towards being the type of person who knows what I like, what I want, and how I plan on getting there… or at the very least the next step or two I need to take in order to get to where I want to go. I typically know what I believe and why I believe it, and more often than not, I have a story behind my beliefs as well.

However, there are other things in my life that if I am being completely honest about, I feel double-minded, and it drives me crazy… When half of me wants something and the other half is repelled by the very same idea, I find myself stuck, immobile, trapped, and frozen. Wouldn’t life just be easier if I stuck my head in the sand and took a nap!?..

Uh. No…
That just makes you look ridiculous with your butt stuck up in the air for all to see.

To name a few topics:
On one hand I would love to find the love of my life, get married, and strike off on adventures together… On the other, I love my life as is, I love the benefits of being single, I love that I am able to be transient by nature and follow wherever the Spirit of the Lord leads me. I know that while not necessarily easier, life certainly is less complicated (not in a good or bad way, there are just less things to take into consideration) when you are single. I also am completely aware of the fact that I do not understand what it means to be totally and completely in love with a man and willing to follow him anywhere. I do not know what it means for a man to love me back in the way God intended… Once I find this, I realize my view of singleness will change, I also know without any doubts I want to accomplish everything I can before that time in order to be prepared and where I need to be.

On one hand I would love to get a new job, find the position and organization that is my sweet spot.. On the other hand, I am aware that I could get a new job and it not be anything close to making my heart swell for 40 plus hours a week.. Which of course leads to, what if I move for a job I hate? I mean technically I have been there and done that, and clearly made it out alive and relatively unscathed with more wisdom, but seriously, I love where I live right now (shocker, I know), and my heart aches at the thought of leaving my church and friends here… Yet at the same time my heart of hearts longs for, desires more. My heart aches to be passionate about what I do, to know that what I am doing means something.

On one hand I love the thought of moving to a new place and all the adventures that would inevitably ensue, on the other hand, what if I move to a place that does not allows me to find adventures and activities that are a stones throw away where I currently live… Meaning, what if I move alone again to a place that does not fit. Ultimately I am well aware that God would take care of me, and teach me so much more than I can fathom right now, but I also truly love where I am currently living, and it fits me and where I am in my life right now.

So, double-minded or not, here I am, all of me in my full glory of imperfection and indecision.

One of the things I have been considering in terms of the ramifications of being double-minded is that while frustrating, it is also a good starting place for God to really do some work in my heart. Meaning, if I am unsure of what I want, it will do a few things, first and probably foremost, it will drive me to pray about it and likely pray a lot about it. Second, not knowing what I want forces me to pause and consider it all regularly, which for someone who tends towards “go until God says no…” the need to stop and think is really a good thing. The last thing that I think is potentially a really good thing about my double-minded feelings towards some things in my life is that it keeps me humble… I find it really easy to charge off into the unknown due to my pride alone, yet when I am uncertain I seek Christ and other people much smarter and more experienced than I am for advice, I stop to pray, think and consider.

So, while entirely frustrating to not know exactly what I think and want in some areas of my life, I also realize there is some good to take into consideration in these situations.

Inspired Lethargy…

I have been in this weird mix of super inspired lately, and entirely too lethargic to actually act upon my inspiration. I have so many fun and creative ideas that I want to try..

I have been inspired lately for the visual side of my Facts of Life Book.

I have been inspired with ideas for a book series that I want to write with my dad.

I have been inspired with ideas for my sister’s birthday gift (which sadly is late already..)

I have been inspired by photography.

I have been inspired…

However, sadly I have also been lethargic.. which I have no doubt is due to my fairly distinct lack of sleep that I have gotten for the last two weeks… I realized when I looked around my room this morning that my mind is out of control, because it is reflected in the chaos that is my room…

I think this will need to change, and quickly.

June Catch Up…

Somehow it is June 4th, and I already feel like I am behind on the month. Course, it could be partially due to the fact that I have yet to send two birthday gifts that were due June 1st and 2nd to my bother and sister… and I am creeping up on my sister in law’s birthday June 6th.. and I have yet to mail any of them. Whoopsie! Plus, June tends to be crazy month in my life every year, somehow birthdays and weddings seem to explode during this month, and it causes me to travel a whole lot, and spend a lot of time on the phone with various people working extra hard not to miss people or forget about them for a month… Then there is always the work traveling that takes place, homework that needs accomplishing, and pretending that I care to keep up with laundry and household chores… Oye.

There is a bit of overwhelmed feelings going on currently. However, even though I am feeling overwhelmed, and there seem to be more to do than I have time for, the positives are outweighing the negatives quite nicely.

I have spent a few hours (at least) of the last three Saturdays at the beach! And granted I FRIED myself a couple weeks ago completely on accident, I am pleased that I am heading into the summer with a little bit of color. Especially since I did absolutely NO tanning this winter (what!?).. I did not have the time, nor did I care to make the time.

I have been able to do a whole lot of reading lately.

My right leg is no longer numb thanks to the many visits to the chiropractor.. although I have remained fairly sore the last few weeks for the same reason.

I am absolutely pumped for the small group I am co-leading reading through Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis! There is a much higher level of interest than I was expecting and everyone seems to be looking forward and excited about the group too.. Should be interesting and educational!