I have love hate relationships with the days where it is brought to my attention that I have been entirely too much about myself over the last while (however long). Not in the “I am a terrible person” way (although in some instances I truly lack compassion and tact), but in the subtle things that really matter to people, like a phone call, a message, whatever…
Lately life has been a whirlwind, which does not really surprise me, due to the fact that typically during the summer I attempt to have a summer schedule that allows me to do things with other people more. However, the problem with that schedule is, I have a typical “9-5” job and am in school full time getting a double masters degree, and still work to have enough free time to be able to do most things. Now, if I am being completely honest, I fill my time up with dozens of other things too, reading, movies, volunteering, small group, lots and lots of good food… and almost all of those activities involve friends.
However, that being said, my schedule lately has mostly revolved around myself.. The things I wanted to do, and the things that interested me. I mean, granted I “did” things to help others, but there have been way too many times lately where I have allowed myself to get distracted and forget things that are important to others.
I realize at this portion of my post it seems like I am beating myself up over little things that are “not a big deal.” But they are.
In all seriousness, I cannot put a price on an offense or hurt I have caused someone else, especially someone who I care deeply for.
I was reminded today, in the most loving of ways, and more graciously than I deserved, that I had missed the mark. I had allowed myself to forget and become lazy in my diligence, and in doing so I had hurt someone close to me. How humbling to be reminded that your lack of paying attention to the small things that matter to other people has caused hurt in their life. Boiling it down, I hurt someone else because I did not care enough to make them a priority.
Talk about painful and humbling.
But, it honestly was the best kind of pain to experience because it allowed me the chance to apologize, and then do an inventory of the things I really have been slacking on out of pure laziness or apathy for things other than myself and my own interest… No matter how busy I am; work, school, whatever, I should never be too busy to stop and care about someone else’s needs, cares, heart, problems or whatever over my own.
Such a painfully great heart check for me.