The Despising Part of Change…

I have always been a people person and made friends, close friends, good friends, lots of friends everywhere I go/move/visit. I love the people in my life dearly, and once they are “in” so to speak, I really never let them entirely go. I mean granted, like all relationships distance, schedules, and stages in life cause ebs and flows, but I make a point to ensure that every interaction reinforces that no amount of time or distance changes my willingness to pick up as if no time or distance has taken place.

That being said, I kinda hate how many people I know in so many places. Everywhere I move, everywhere I travel causes pieces of me to stay behind and makes the thought of moving more challenging each time.

The thing I find so interesting about my perspective is, my desire to move, stay, travel or my anxiety about those same things has nothing really to do with the logistics, dangers, money, etc.. and everything to do with the people in my life that I love. Going somewhere new, meeting new people, making new friends, all of that is actually more exciting and exhilarating than anything. But, as I get older I realize that the more I do that, the more it means leaving someone else behind (at least for a while) because the reality is no matter who you are or how social you are, you simply cannot fit everyone into your life the same amount all the time. There are inherent ebs and flows that are neither good nor bad, they just are… And, leaving people is the one thing I dislike about change.

And, just as a note, currently there are no actual plans in the works to move, there are just always possibilities as I keep my eyes and ears open to where God is leading me next and what our next adventure will be.

Gaining Perspective…

This post is a little different.

These are pictures of various pages from a Christmas gift I got in ’09 from one of my best friends. She wrote different things on each page with various styles and patterns throughout the entire little book.

I love this still, and thought I would share a few things…

Happy Birthday Don…

… Well not really Don, but Dave.

Don is his redneck-hick alter ego.

This is ridiculously poor quality cause it’s a recording of a recording, but it means a lot to several of us…

No one could make me laugh like Don and Karl.

So, Happy birthday, you are awesome.

I’m glad we’re friends,
             even after all these years,
                                       and moves,
                                             and schedules,
                                                      and you getting married,
                                     and lack of actually being able to be friends and hang out like we used to..

This picture is from several years ago at one of my college roomies/besties wedding.

Hey, remember when you almost got us arrested?!…

(Does this satisfy your need for a blog shout-out on your birthday? lol)

Writing a Book…

I love reading. My dad loves reading… I have likely gotten the affinity for slipping away into other worlds from him, and I am thrilled about it! I simply cannot get more excited about reading a good series, especially if it is fictional, thriller, with a serious driving force being the relationships between the characters, and I absolutely love when the books are either sci-fi or close enough to reality that they might just possibly have/could happen. These facts about me are likely why I love Ted Dekker and basically all of his books, the Inheritance Series, and feel like all rainy days should entail a good window seat and book.

So, with that in mind, my dad and I have spent a decent amount of our communication over the last little while discussing a book (series) we are writing together. Well, technically we are still planning everything out and creating the characters, world, timeline, interactions, and basic facts. But, the thing I love most about it is that it is just so much fun! We have spent hours discussing little things like weapons (yeah, weapons always get my family talking for hours) or the humor that a certain character possesses.

I mean, to be totally honest, my dad and I can talk for hours about almost anything, pretty much regardless of if there is a specific purpose, but creating a fictional world together has been such a blast so far!

We have created a chart detailing the various things we need to remember about each character, situation, and crucial story plots to ensure that we do not forget or contradict ourselves… And, like any good story, the world will need saving! There will be a love story or two, some tragedy, humor, bait and switching, and a pretty intricate threat that will need to be neutralized. Should be lots of fun to read, but probably way more fun to write!

Knowing both of our schedules, it will likely be a long time until we are actually anywhere close to finished with the first book, let alone the series as a whole, but, it has been a lot of fun to just be creative for the sake of something fun to do together.

At some point, I will release the synopsis of the book/series… But, until then you will just have to….
wait.

Resolving Conflict…

I have never been one to shy away from conflict.. likely due to the fact that while unpleasant, thanks to my parents, I learned that when dealt with, things are always resolved and better afterwards. However, just because I do not shy away from conflict, does not actually mean I like conflict, just that it has to be resolved in order to move forward… and move forward in a healthy way.

Lately, I feel like I have been surrounded by conflict, some of it I am fairly certain I have caused, others it has taken everything in me not to merely just drop everything and run from the person and situation, and still other bits of conflict have evoked an immediate reaction to the situation.

Let me just pause again and say that, conflict resolution is exhausting, especially when there seems to be lots of it from different places in a very short amount of time.

I know that, probably like most, I do a terrible job at resolution when I am tired; and I have spent the better part of the last month exhausted. Honestly, I was completely worn out until last weekend when I was finally able to sleep, and sleep for more than a couple hours at a time… And then, I was able to wake up with no where to immediately be, which is a nice change of pace as well.

Anyway, I digress…

Resolving conflict is tiring, it is unpleasant, it is frustrating, and it often brings out the worst in you before it will bring out the best, but every time on the other side I am thankful for the experience, the situation, and the person who stuck it out with me instead of hiding or running from me. Because, like most everything that is good in this world, it takes two people to make things work, especially if it is the relationship itself. Not everyone I have had conflict with lately has been willing to stand and fight with me to resolve our disagreement, which is frustrating beyond words, but I have come to realize lately that, I have a much larger pool of friends and loved ones than most who will stand and fight with me til resolution. Even if our conflict puts us on opposing sides, they will continue to work it out until we have figured out what is wrong and how to move forward.

Let me be the first to say, I have handled a lot of the situations poorly or at the very least, not as well as I would have liked. But, I think what has made it so exhausting lately is the sheer amount of it I have dealt with in such a short amount of time… Mostly small things that just evoke emotional reactions, things that have been thrown in my face, some that only brought about immediate anger, and other situations that forced me to choose what was more important to me; being right or showing love and respect to the person in front of me…

Can I just say, choosing love and respect is really difficult when you are angry at the person for something they have done and/or said…

But, I would also like to say, the difficulty or frustration felt when restraining the impulse to say or do something in retaliation is always worth it in the end. Otherwise, you are only left you feeling worse, unresolved, and now needing to also apologize on top of the initial hurt and emotion. So, while I have yet to entirely master this restraint-in-the-heat-of-the-moment thing, the few times I was able to keep it together, I always felt better in the end. Not because I felt like I had “done less wrong” and definitely not because I felt more right, but because hurting those you love never makes you feel better in the end… you just end up feeling like a scum of a person.

So, I guess the bottom line that I am feeling is that, despite the struggles relationally lately, I am learning a lot, I am somewhat begrudgingly growing, but I am growing and working for friendships that are totally worth fighting for. Talk about un-fun but entirely needed life lessons to learn. Sheesh.

Love,
Joy,
Peace,
Patience,
Kindness,
Goodness,
Gentleness,
Faithfulness,
and Self-Control. (Galatians 5:22-23)
Sometimes I hate the fruits of the spirit, and other times I am overwhelmed by receiving them from others.

Oh to Be Single…

So, while I have days where I am more than annoyed at the single life.. Lately I have had a few instances where the humor in being single is almost worth all the frustrations!… Here are a few tid bits of wisdom for those hoping to gain some insight into the single girl…

(These answers are meant with humor and a tad bit of sarcasm)

Do not ask a single girl “why” she is still single, this may result in many ridiculous responses or a slap across the face. The question is really akin to asking a single girl “what is wrong with you” and trust me… She will respond appropriately, likely with sarcasm..

Do not tell a single girl you “understand” why she’s single.. Please see the previous paragraph for her likely responses.

If you want to make a single girl feel pathetic, tell her you feel sorry for her still being single, that is not helpful nor will it make her feel better… Plus, what will you do if she cries?.. Feel like a jerk.

Telling a single girl that her “prince charming is out there somewhere” only makes her want to kill the makers of every Disney princess movie ever created. Especially if she thinks “prince charming” tends to be a sort of boring fellow in fairy tales…

Explaining that a single girl’s “dominant” personality might have something to do with “it”.. is like claiming she’s single cause she has brown eyes… It makes no sense, and only proves that you also have no idea why she is still single…. other than the obvious fact that she has not gotten married yet.

Just because a girl is single does equate her also being lonely.. It makes her.. single, that is all. Do not assume one inherently means the other anymore than getting married solves all your problems.

Single girls really can (believe it or not) just be friends with guys (single or married). IF she has had the “could I see myself with him?” thought about a single guy, that does not mean she ceases to be “just friends,” it means she’s realistic and not shallow…

…If the single girl has not wondered if she and a single guy would work together, that does not inherently mean she is being shallow, she likely knows herself well enough to know whether they would work well together. Both scenarios are good things.

Believe it or not, high standards is actually a good thing (for guys and girls). Do not try to convince the single girl otherwise… Her dad won’t appreciate it.

Telling a single girl to “enjoy” being single while she can, is like telling someone to enjoy their freedom before they are sent to prison… Aka… You have just indicated that you feel like a prisoner, and she will feel sorry for you and your marriage.

To be continued…

Feel free to add… 😉