For whatever reason, my body has decided sleep is not important.. So much so that, I lay in bed for hours each night… literally until around 3am. I wake up exhausted after having woken up numerous times throughout the night, and each morning I am convinced I will be tired enough to actually sleep tonight… I douse my morning with caffeine, and then I am off to start my day.
I love my job, seriously. Tonight at a board meeting during prayer I kept thinking “I am so blessed, Lord, this is he coolest job ever.” I mean really, I get paid to live my life and be passionate.. it is pretty amazing and despite the challenges I love it… But, I am constantly thinking about it, praying about it, jotting notes to remember, putting reminders in my phone, planning, reading books/blogs/twitter/facebook really any resource that might help me.. Including my double masters classes (whoa, that is when you know it is serious! haha). I know that I should take a break and allow myself the chance to mentally detox, but I have no idea how to get myself to do that at this point. Literally the only thing that I have been able to find that keeps my mind off work is watching a movie or online tv… But, as soon as it is over my mind is thinking again.
… I am also aware that for good or bad, my job is probably a huge factor in my lack of ability to sleep. Not because anything is wrong, but because I am constantly thinking about it. I have always been prone to allow my mind to process and think while I am laying in bed, and now is certainly no different.
Another factor aiding in my body’s revolt of sleeping is, my big girl bed (a for really real bed) is very firm… The air mattress I have slept on for the last four years, well is not very firm… I think I am going to have to princess my bed and get a topper to make is softer 🙂
I have a dream… well no not really cause I am not dreaming, but one day I am confident I will again…