Month: August 2013

Transitions…

Apparently life in transition is becoming something of a way of life for me. As I look for jobs like it is my job (no really, in two and a half weeks I have applied for 34 and looked at hundreds more), I have realized how many times I have done this transition thing.

Each time I love it, and hate it.

I love the excitement.
I love the change.
I love the possibilities.
I love the hope.
I love knowing that I will one day look back on my life and know that it was full because I was willing to follow God anywhere at any time.
I love the adventure of transitions and change.
I love the new things I will get to experience.
I love the joy and faithfulness of God that I will get to experience because of the new transition.
I love that I undoubtably will get the opportunity to meet new and absolutely amazing people, and that they will forever be etched into my life.
I love that I will get to test one more time how well I can face and handle life’s challenges with grace.
I love stepping out of my comfort zone.

I do not however like packing my apartment.
I do not like painting my walls back to white (insane asylum white what?!)
I do not like leaving people who I love and cherish (thank you Jesus for technology and the ease of keeping in contact!).
I do not like spending hours every day looking for jobs… and perusing lame-o job postings.
I do not like the stress that comes with figuring out how to make it all work (apartment hunting.. AFTER I get the job.. and then getting myself to the new place).
I do not like stepping out of my comfort zone.

I think some people get the impression that because I basically have a degree in “fly by the seat of my pants” and actually enjoy the thrill and challenge of change that I do not also struggle with the challenges or fear that come with it as well.

I have a love/hate relationship with transitions and change.

However, I look back at my life, and I realize that my life has been constant transitions. Yet, every single change or transition I have had has only enhanced my life, it has never made it worse or even kept it the same. I love change because it means adventure, and I feel like it gives me the chance to learn and exercise things that I learn in the Bible more each time. I dislike change because it is hard, and sometimes incredibly painful and lonely… But, even still, I have never walked away regretting or wishing it did not happen.

No matter what is to come in this next transition, as always, I am not going to just pretend everything is ok, but, I will also hold confident that my God is a God of miracles, and a beautiful God of the trials… And, He will be with me every blessed moment and step.

New Horizons…

They say hindsight is 20/20, and while I totally understand that saying, I actually think hindsight gives you courage and bolsters your faith. I can easily look back on the last year or ten of my life and see how God has been an intimate part of each step. Each move, every dramatic life change, I can see how God was there being a part of it. And then, all I can think is how just interesting life is to me.

A year ago, I was packing up my life and preparing to move half way across the country again to start a new job while leaving my friends, church, and life that I loved behind. To say that it was an emotional and difficult move would be a gross understatement. What is also interesting is as I look back on the last year, I am not gonna lie, it was one of the most difficult, crappy, rewarding, fun-filled, grief-stricken, difficult, sleepless, slobbery, stress-filled, love-filled, hard-working year I have ever had. I had a serious love hate relationship with my job and life here.

There were things that had God’s words and movement written all over them, and other areas where I felt like silence was the only thing able to be heard. I also can say that I learned… a lot. Not always easy or pleasant things, but learning was always at the center of my year.

Throughout the year, I loved my job, I loved being close to family, I loved the friends I made, I loved what I did, I loved the challenges, and yet, at the exact same time, I found myself perpetually discouraged and struggling. A much larger majority of my efforts were spent to overcome at best silly things that had no real eternal basis (which were the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard). Yet, because we live in a fallen and broken world, my only option was to face them… And, thankfully, I feel like despite it all, I saw the best and worst of people this last year, and yet God protected my heart, and I am finding myself completely without bitterness or regret.

That. Is. Awesome.

What I also find myself with is looking for a new job, a new place to live, and a sneaking suspicion that this one will be just as dramatic as the last four times I have made a job change/move.

I do not have any particular inclinations currently as to what or where I will be headed, but I do know that I am at peace with it, and not worried about what is to come… Maybe dreading the packing/moving process a bit.. but otherwise entirely excited.