They say hindsight is 20/20, and while I totally understand that saying, I actually think hindsight gives you courage and bolsters your faith. I can easily look back on the last year or ten of my life and see how God has been an intimate part of each step. Each move, every dramatic life change, I can see how God was there being a part of it. And then, all I can think is how just interesting life is to me.
A year ago, I was packing up my life and preparing to move half way across the country again to start a new job while leaving my friends, church, and life that I loved behind. To say that it was an emotional and difficult move would be a gross understatement. What is also interesting is as I look back on the last year, I am not gonna lie, it was one of the most difficult, crappy, rewarding, fun-filled, grief-stricken, difficult, sleepless, slobbery, stress-filled, love-filled, hard-working year I have ever had. I had a serious love hate relationship with my job and life here.
There were things that had God’s words and movement written all over them, and other areas where I felt like silence was the only thing able to be heard. I also can say that I learned… a lot. Not always easy or pleasant things, but learning was always at the center of my year.
Throughout the year, I loved my job, I loved being close to family, I loved the friends I made, I loved what I did, I loved the challenges, and yet, at the exact same time, I found myself perpetually discouraged and struggling. A much larger majority of my efforts were spent to overcome at best silly things that had no real eternal basis (which were the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard). Yet, because we live in a fallen and broken world, my only option was to face them… And, thankfully, I feel like despite it all, I saw the best and worst of people this last year, and yet God protected my heart, and I am finding myself completely without bitterness or regret.
That. Is. Awesome.
What I also find myself with is looking for a new job, a new place to live, and a sneaking suspicion that this one will be just as dramatic as the last four times I have made a job change/move.
I do not have any particular inclinations currently as to what or where I will be headed, but I do know that I am at peace with it, and not worried about what is to come… Maybe dreading the packing/moving process a bit.. but otherwise entirely excited.