That edge of darkness takes on the form of all sorts of thoughts, comments, and whispers.
Have you ever known in your core that everything will turn out ok, just like it has every other time? But, no matter what you know to be true, and no matter how often you have experienced things playing out exactly perfectly, there is a thought at the edge of darkness muttering, “But, what will you do if….”
The edge of darkness is a little disconcerting because things take on a little bit more of a menacing demeanor, everything looks uninviting, and simply cannot be seen well.
Currently, I find myself in an interesting place. I know that my God, my sweet savior will in fact take care of everything just like He has every single other time. And yet, every time I feel the stress and emotions of the edge of darkness creeping in and tickling with doubtful thoughts, I find myself having to purposefully not allow movement towards it in the slightest. Perpetually forcing the uncertainty out of my head, and instead replacing it with what I entirely know to be True.
What will I do if I do not have a job or place to move by October 1? – I don’t know, but that doesn’t change the situation or fact that God is taking care of every bit of my situation.
What will I do if the money runs out? – I don’t know, but that doesn’t change the situation or fact that God isn’t scrambling.
Where will I go if September 30th comes, and I don’t know where to move? – I don’t know, but that doesn’t change the situation or fact that God knows the next move.
What will I do?… Exactly what I have been doing. Applying for jobs (oh good grief have I been applying for jobs), slowly pack my apartment in preparation of moving on the 30th (or sooner), enjoying the time I have here right now with my friends and family, and pray.
How do I feel about everything? – Depends on the moment. However, there is a distinct difference between my emotions and my soul and spirit; which is at peace. My emotions are fickle and fleeting, so I try not to pay them too much attention.
But, no matter what I feel, what I know to be true is that in a few months this will be a memory and another piece of my adventurous puzzle of a life. In a short time, I will be stressing about something else entirely. Life will continue, I will get the chance to meet new amazing people, and continue to build relationships with the most wonderful people who are already in my life. But, above and through every bit of it, I will be thanking God for dancing me through my inability to see what is going on.
Life isn’t easy, and no matter my emotions, I really do love how my story is getting written.