I have been watching an interesting
debate discussion lately about the benefits of being Single or being Married.. Or getting married young.. Or staying single longer.. whatever.
It has felt recently as though there are two teams and they are at odds with each other. I think it is a little odd that we seem to be “fighting” or trying to convince others that our current state is the best or correct one.
Here are a few of the articles in the discussion so you can follow along with why I am writing this post:
23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23
The Results of a Closed-Minded 23 Year Old
I Got Married at 23. What Are the Rest of You Waiting For?
Marriage Isn’t For You
Why I Did I Get Married so Young
(There are more, and you possibly have read different ones)
The “conversation” as a whole really just interests me quite a bit. Obviously some of the blog posts are in direct response to one another, whereas others seem to be oblivious to the conversation at large, and are merely adding their thoughts to the world.
I also think it’s interesting that 23 is the number that keeps getting brought up.
Let me start out by saying, I am not loving on or hating on one side of this conversation or the other, merely responding to the conversation as a whole. I think it would be helpful to highlight some things.
Some background on myself so you can be more aware of where I am coming from:
I am a turning 29 years old, still single, never married or engaged woman.
I am not at all against marriage, and not only did I think early on in my life that I would be married by this point in life, I still would like to get married to the right man someday… But, I am content single, actually love aspects of it, and I am willing to wait for the right man because I have seen the destruction of divorce in too many people (of all ages).
I also have done quite a bit of reading of research on Millennials (those born between 1980-2000) because I find people and culture fascinating (especially my own).
Now that my vantage point is known, here is my personal perspective and thoughts on the Single v. Married conversation:
Not everyone who is single loves it.
Not everyone who is married loves it.
Not everyone who is single thinks they have made a better choice than getting married.
Not everyone who is married thinks they have made a better choice than to stay single.
Being single has some major pros and cons.
Being married has some major pros and cons.
Singleness can be hard.
Marriage can be hard.
Selfishness is pervasive among single people.
Selfishness is pervasive among married people.
Some people “do” single better than being married.
Some people “do” married better than being single.
In some cases staying single was the wise choice.
In some cases getting married was the wise choice.
Grace, compassion, and selflessness is common among an astounding number of single people I know.
Grace, compassion, and selflessness is common among an astounding number of married people I know.
Life is an adventure when you are single.
Life is an adventure when you are married.
Staying single is better/healthier than getting divorced.
Getting married is better/healthier than sleeping with someone you’re not married to.
Remaining single “late” into your adult life does not automatically mean you are wiser than a young married couple.
Getting married young does not automatically mean you are unwise or pathetic.
Being single “late” into your adult life does not mean you are against those married young (or older).
Being married young (or older) does not mean you are against those still single “late” into adult life.
Being single does not mean you have purposefully chosen to be so to “get your life together”.
Being married does not mean you have purposefully chosen to be so because you’ve “gotten you life together”.
For me, there are days that singleness is just straight up hard, and other times I love the advantages of flying solo. But, from my plethora of friends (married at all ages), there are days that they remind me that being married is just hard too or they love every little bit of the married life…
From where I sit, both have the same qualities, it just depends on the person or couple.
My perspective is that regardless of if you are married or single, you should have goals.. Good goals ones, fun ones, hard ones, solid ones, frivolous ones, and seemingly impossible ones, I think that is how you help yourself grow, and a way to help measure success as a single or married person/couple.
So, please, let’s stop justifying why one is better than the other as if our choice was the right one for everyone… or the perfect decision forever.
If you are single and loving it or wish to be married, that is awesome and good things can and will happen during this season.
If you are married and loving it or wish you had waited, good things can and will happen during this stage of life.