I have officially completed three weeks of my new job, and my first full week of everyone being back from holiday breaks. I feel a level of accomplishment.. but mostly I just feel tired from the dramatic change in pace of life in the last month!
Please do not misunderstand me, I love it. I am enjoying every bit of the crazy chaos that is now my life. I am so thankful for the first paycheck. I am excited about adventures, food, relationships, and all the possibilities of what is my daily life now. However, I realized a few days ago, I am still living in survival mode.
I have spent more than a year now living in survival mode, and found myself a bit frustrated that I could not just let go and embrace this fresh new life.. And a friend gently reminded me I have had exactly one paycheck, there is no reason I would naturally just forget the worry and stress that has been such a habitual part of my life recently.
Yet, even still, I have an intense desire to let go of feeling the need to cling to survival mode.
I was talking with someone who I actually do not know beyond his name, and he prayed over me, and then said a bunch of things to me about what he felt like God was telling him to share with me.
(Little disclaimer, there’s more to the story, and more detail than I am going to share, but overall, my stance is take what other’s tell you God is telling them to share.. Then write it down, pray over it, mull over it, and weigh it against scripture to see if it lines up. Sometimes what is shared is exactly on point, other times it is only a part of the picture, and then sometimes it is not accurate.)
So, anyway, he said (not in order),
That I was a bridge builder, and would act as a connector.
That God was in a season of wanting to show off to and with me…
Which lead to him saying that I needed to dream again, and ask God for all the things I need.
He said that God was going to take care of me and do things immediately, and that it would blow my mind, and I would end up with all these crazy stories…
He then told me that I needed to write things down and keep track of it all.
He also went into a bit of detail about my ministry, which I have written down, but would prefer not to share here yet.
One of the things he did mention was that I carried a joy and a light that is unusual, that I change a room when I enter it, and that my relationship with Christ is unique… He also explained a bit more, but I will also keep those things to myself for now.
So, now here I find myself, praying through and for these things.. but also trying to pray through figuring how to dream once more, how to let go of survival mode and once again enter into reckless faith and trust in my Savior.
Do not fret because of evildoers,
Be not envious toward wrongdoers.
2 For they will wither quickly like the grass
And fade like the green herb.
3 Trust in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
4 Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.
7 Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
8 Cease from anger and forsake wrath;
Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.
9 For evildoers will be cut off,
But those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land.
10 Yet a little while and the wicked man will be no more;
And you will look carefully for his place and he will not be there.
11 But the humble will inherit the land
And will delight themselves in abundant prosperity.
12 The wicked plots against the righteous
And gnashes at him with his teeth.
13 The Lord laughs at him,
For He sees his day is coming.
14 The wicked have drawn the sword and bent their bow
To cast down the afflicted and the needy,
To slay those who are upright in conduct.
15 Their sword will enter their own heart,
And their bows will be broken.
16 Better is the little of the righteous
Than the abundance of many wicked.
17 For the arms of the wicked will be broken,
But the Lord sustains the righteous.
18 The Lord knows the days of the blameless,
And their inheritance will be forever.
19 They will not be ashamed in the time of evil,
And in the days of famine they will have abundance.
20 But the wicked will perish;
And the enemies of the Lord will be like the glory of the pastures,
They vanish—like smoke they vanish away.
21 The wicked borrows and does not pay back,
But the righteous is gracious and gives.
22 For those blessed by Him will inherit the land,
But those cursed by Him will be cut off.
23 The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
And He delights in his way.
24 When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
25 I have been young and now I am old,
Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
Or his descendants begging bread.
26 All day long he is gracious and lends,
And his descendants are a blessing.
27 Depart from evil and do good,
So you will abide forever.
28 For the Lord loves justice
And does not forsake His godly ones;
They are preserved forever,
But the descendants of the wicked will be cut off.
29 The righteous will inherit the land
And dwell in it forever.
30 The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom,
And his tongue speaks justice.
31 The law of his God is in his heart;
His steps do not slip.
32 The wicked spies upon the righteous
And seeks to kill him.
33 The Lord will not leave him in his hand
Or let him be condemned when he is judged.
34 Wait for the Lord and keep His way,
And He will exalt you to inherit the land;
When the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
35 I have seen a wicked, violent man
Spreading himself like a luxuriant tree in its native soil.
36 Then he passed away, and lo, he was no more;
I sought for him, but he could not be found.
37 Mark the blameless man, and behold the upright;
For the man of peace will have a posterity.
38 But transgressors will be altogether destroyed;
The posterity of the wicked will be cut off.
39 But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
He is their strength in time of trouble.
40 The Lord helps them and delivers them;
He delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
Because they take refuge in Him.
My Father has always been faithful to me.