2015 Reviews

At the end of every year I write a review of that year, they always look different, but, this particular post is one of my favorites to do because it makes me stop and reflect… Which, inevitably leads to gratitude for what God has done in my life… Even during the hard years.

You can see last year’s here, and the 2013 review with links to previous year’s reflections in that post.

So, here I sit reviewing and reflecting on 2015.

This year from beginning to end felt like warp speed, it never slowed down.

I have now completed my first year at my new job and back in DC. This year has been full of stress, frustrations, and confusion as I tried to navigate my new job and rebuilding my life here in DC. Yet, through it all there has always been an overwhelming amount of contentment and certainty that I was and continue to be exactly where I am supposed to be.

Some things took much longer to resolve than I anticipated, like my stress level over money. I had not realized how much being unemployed created an obsessive compulsiveness in me to check my bank account every couple days… I stressed about money constantly. Through work because I manage a budget I was given the opportunity to take Financial Peace University; I love what it has done in my life. While I do not follow it entirely (I’m really bad at using all cash), I certainly have seen it change my stress level, and I have more money in savings, and a greater understanding and comfort (peace) with my finances than I have ever in my entire life. I have a lot of debt to pay off, but I also was able to pay off half of my credit card debt this year.

Blessing #1: Finances settling.

I loved the house I moved into when I first got here. I liked my roommates, and the location was great. Then, we had a curveball thrown at us, and we had to move after only a few months of living there because our military landlords were returning. Insert: Chaos and stress. Figuring out what we were going to do and searching was chaotic and stressful right in the middle of chaos and stress at work. Then we found this amazing row-house that was smaller, but somehow actually better than our last. We lost and gained a roommate in the transition, and yet again, the move seemed to create this pressure valve, and peace, laughter, joy, and community have settled in our home.

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Blessing #2: Amazing house and community.

My car. Not much brings me to tears faster than car problems. There were so many car problems this year, as a carry over from my head on collision a couple years ago. It took a lot of money and time to get everything up to inspection and then in August for a routine oil change my mechanic called my car a “rolling death trap”. He more or less instructed me to get rid of it and stop putting money into it, then parked my car until I decided. After lots of back and forth, I let my trusty car go and have been without a car since. My goal is to go a year then reevaluate, and use that extra money to pay off debt faster. I have loved that not having a car forces me to walk, I have access to vehicles of friends if I need it, and I live in a massive public transportation city which makes life much easier.

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Blessing #3: Having to walk everyday.

This year has been absolutely stuffed with adventure. Which, as I reflected on the different adventures, I looked up the definition just to see how accurate of a term it was:
“an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity.”
Every day was full of adventure this year.

And, just to give a (very) small window into the adventures and people that made life so fun and funny in 2015:

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Blessing #4: Adventures.

A couple years ago I topped out at my heaviest weight of my life, and it was not due to muscle. So, I decided in 2014 to start purposefully eating better. In 2015 I was still not happy with how I looked, but also how I felt, so I got a gym membership and began working towards feeling better. It has been 10 months, and I am happier with my body now than I have ever been in my life. I am not yet where I want or need to be, but it is so encouraging to see pictures of myself this year compared to the last two, and find myself satisfied rather than embarrassed.

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Blessing #5: Better health and confidence.

It would get exhaustive to list a paragraph for each of the blessings I see as themes from 2015, so here are a few additional:

Blessing #6: Growing and Re-growing.

Blessing #7: Seeing and experiencing God’s faithfulness new.

You can see the community throughout all of the pictures. The community of people both near and far that fill my life is overwhelming in the best of ways.

Blessing #8: Community.

Just because I always love new music, here, here, here, and here are a links to a few of my endless repeat songs from this year.

Blessing #9: Music.

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Blessing #10: Family.

What an incredible year it was. 2015 certainly did not disappoint, so much laughter, crazy challenges, some heartache, and a few curveballs, but I find myself thankful and amazed at how God was with me throughout it all this year.

Health Progress…

As much as it is not fun sharing the portions of your life that you are less than happy with (for numerous reasons), I think it is crucially important for people to see your journey.

A year and a half ago, I was the most I had ever weighed at 190lbs. At the time, lots of people told me it was ok because I am 5’10 I ‘looked fine’ and carried the weight well.

I was super unhappy with these comments, and disliked that they did not reflect good health. I also knew I had put on 15lbs in six months.. Which is not ok for your health, and I was incredibly unhappy with how I looked, felt, and my clothes (didn’t) fit.

I felt weak, I was dislocating joints often, and was pretty aware that it would get worse if I did not return to my attention to my health.

So, I started with eating better (more veggies and meat, less carbs and sugars) and drinking more water. After about a year of just those two changes I had lost almost 20lbs, but I still felt weak, and I was still dislocating often (it’s a thing with me).

Eight months ago I went back to the gym… early… It was (and continues to be miserable) because I am certainly no morning person (just ask my roommates), but I knew that if I did not go before work, I would more often than not find excuses for not going to the gym after work.

(HUGE shout out to the friend who has called me every morning to wake me up since I am a child and cannot get up early on my own! #nightowlproblems)

So, it has now been eight months of before-work gym time, typically ranging anywhere from 1-4 times a week. In that time, I have lost another almost 15lbs of fat, and put back on almost 10lbs of muscle.

Putting me down a little over 30lbs of fat and up about 10lbs of muscle.

Let me just be real for a bit..
It is hard work.
It is sucky emotionally some days.

The sheer number of hours I have spent in the gym, meal prepping well (and sometimes totally failing at everything) is somewhat astounding…

However, I am SO much happier with how I look, how I feel, and how my clothes fit. And, while I am still not where I want to be, I felt like sometimes it is important to share the story and progress, even if it is incremental and not completed yet.

Below are some of my comparison pictures, and because I hate fake progress pictures, tried as much as I could to:

  1. Wear the same outfit,
  2. Have the same(ish) lighting,
  3. Same angle and poses,
  4. Same size/distance from the camera etc…

    Although, the newer image is reversed (able to be seen by my tattoo..Can’t get it all right I suppose haha).
    I also can assure you, I am not purposefully standing differently or sucking in or pushing out my gut.

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Hope you are encouraged.

 

January Ramblings…

What a week it has been.. Sometimes I am just thankful to have made it through the week, and this week is definitely one of those weeks!

I am SO sore because I literally ran off the stress and anxiety this week with four separate days of running a 5k each time, three core work outs, thee shoulder work outs, and a kicking session. I have no idea how I am still walking right now.

My sleeping pattern continues to be absurd. For roughly six weeks (maybe a little more) I have been sleeping bizarrely. However, since just before Christmas my pattern is to sleep for about an hour (maybe two), then be awake for 30min-an hour.. Or to wake up every hour for a few minutes… I have no idea what is going on with my used to be able to sleep 10-12 hours straight… One day I know it will return to me.. Until then, I pray a lot at night now…

This song has been my favorite song for the last week or so..

Mounting Attacks…

I do not know why, but sometimes I am completely blown away by the force at which I end up struggling with things.. I am unsure why I do not see it coming more that Satan is mounting an attack, but let me tell you, sometimes I am just totally blindsided.

Today was one of those days.

Looking back on yesterday, I should have known it was coming, I spent a great deal of time praying yesterday, and was feeling particularly antsy and like I just could not rest… yet somehow I missed the signs that a full onslaught of struggling was coming.

Today, I was taken by surprise. I hate getting taken by surprise in this way, I hate that I barely slept, and certainly did not sleep well enough to be able to recognize what was happening. So, instead I spent hours today struggling with some pretty intense fear and anxiety. It was so much so that I literally could not put accurate words to it for hours.. and even after the majority of the attack was over I felt physically exhausted, but still completely jittery.

So, I talked with a few friends, ran my third 5k of the week, and proceeded to have my third core worked out of the week… I am going to be hurting tomorrow.. But, thankfully right now the gym time is working off the extra energy I cannot seem to control, clearing my mind of the fog, and giving me a distinct chance to pray (which seems to naturally be taking its place the last mile of my run).

Thankfully the full onslaught of whatever was going on earlier has been replaced by calm seas once more. I have no idea how people get through days like today without Christ…

I am so glad tomorrow is a new day.

Pooped…

I woke up a little tired.. but mostly alright considering I slept horrible last night (I seem to go through terrible sleeping cycles… a lot.).. Work was productive but exhausting because of the number of projects I’m facilitating and all the different elements, meetings, timelines, emails, and conversations that have to take place about each aspect of each project. Tiring.

Then, I went to the gym for my Monday night beat down.. and left even more tired, but feeling good about the number of workouts and ways I have pushed myself this week/end. Made dinner, did homework.. and now.. I’m pooped. (eloquent huh? haha)

Sadly though, Wednesday is my last session with my personal trainer for at least six weeks while my life goes into massive overdrive with weddings, graduations, showers, travels, work, and school.. There was just no way I could fit in heading to the gym for an hour in a half twice a week.. especially knowing I will be gone for a solid two weeks because of weddings, graduations, and work.. which of course ALL take travels.. (Eek my gas bill is going to be ridiculous!) Thankfully though because I told him a couple weeks ago he’s been able to change my trainings just a tad, and the last couple are all focused on the workouts I can do no matter where I am… Except, I desperately need new shoes, mine are leaving my knee hurting now, which really means my shoes have effectively died to running. Bummer.

Hot body whoa summer here I come!… After I sleep. 🙂

The Plan…

So, this week I have done a first for me.. one thing I never thought I would do…

I got a personal trainer.

His name is Lionell, he’s fun, spunky, has done years of boxing or martial arts, and is very interested in doing work outs that mix my martial arts with my fitness goals. He is also very careful about my shoulders and knees and my lack of wonderful joints, so he slowly is working on stabilizing muscles to help them.

I never thought I would get my own personal trainer.. I mean, lets me honest, they are expensive.. I lived with an athletic trainer for a year in a half, and while I am no stranger to gyms or working out, anything I did not know she did or was able to help me with (like wrapping my knee… and telling me what my issues probably were… even if I would soon forget she’d told me..whoopsie!)… But, mostly I was just not a fan of the cost of personal trainers…

However, as a complimentary thing (that’s how they ALWAYS sucker you in!) I got an hour free with one of the personal trainers. He spent some time talking with me the day before to discuss my injuries and things, my goals etc..etc.. When I showed up, he commenced to working me so hard (mind you this is the first time really in 6 months I have done any serious working out) that a couple times I thought I might throw up, but then he would begin talking to me about martial arts related things… UFC fighting, favorite movies, sparring, the various styles we have both trained in… etc.. I was amazed at how quickly he passed the time, and how well he managed the hour.. and kicked my butt (I am so sore). He changed my diet just slightly, and we discussed the frequency of meeting, what I could afford, and that he wanted me to work out twice before we met again on Monday (this was Thursday).. Lovely. Did I mention sitting down and getting up from the toilet hurts?!

My plan: Meet with him twice a week for a month, then once a week for another month.. then I will be well on my way to exactly how I want to look and feel. Expensive, but since I really do feel awful and not thrilled, I figure this is a good jump-start to the entire process.

I am excited to finally look and feel great once again!

Hot Body Whoa..

I keep joking with a couple of my girl friends from various places that this will be “Hot Body Whoa” summer.. Mostly because I need humor to get me through the soon to be never ending soreness I will be enduring for months!.. However, as nerdy as it sounds..

I am SO EXCITED! I love being sore. I love feeling like my butt is going to fall off.. and sadly, I miss the brothers around to freak out and pummel every time they punch me where I am intensely sore.

I signed up for the gym.. and pay HALF what I paid to use the Y.. plus, this place is aesthetically way more pleasing (although the pool is only 3 lanes wide). I was a little unsure of the whole thing when I first walked in because they have a smoothie/drink bar.. like Tropical Smoothie Cafe.. and then all the basics, but the entire place is underneath the building. Kinda cool.

I also was not sure (although I knew I would sign up anyway because it is basically across the street) because part of signing up is to have a “free” hour lesson with a trainer (makes sense.. but I have been doing the gym thing on and off since I was 14..). However, the trainer came and introduced himself to me, and was real easy going and easy to talk to. He asked my fitness goals, what I tend to eat (which I confessed depends on how much time I have.. which has not been much lately), he then asked if I have any injuries.. Which initially I told him no.. but quickly remembered while I do not consider  my joint issues injuries.. others would.. Mostly due to the number of dislocations I have had to my shoulders and things. I was pleasantly surprised when in the midst of conversation we began to talk martial arts, so he understands my shoulder issues (because he’s has the same ones).. and immediately began writing down notes to himself that I need stabilizing work outs, and that I need core work outs… I did forget to get my membership card and things.. but I will get those tomorrow.

I was surprised how excited I was walking out of the gym… between all the new active things I have going on.. I will certainly have the hot body whoa I am looking for this summer.. Just in time for my friends several weddings!.. Yesss! 🙂