Online Dating Help for Men…

So, I guess with this post I have to finally admit to more than just a few people that I am online dating… Or rather, I’m “online looking” since I have unfortunately been on very few actual dates.

Let me start by saying, obviously not all men need help… but, from what I have experienced, so. many. do need help. To be clear, I also cannot comment on whether women need similar help (or the same advice) since I am looking at only men’s profiles.

This post is meant to be humorous… However, every. single. point. made. comes from one (or a plethora) of men, and therefore everything below is factual.

Let’s start with, you do need to actually be single.

If you are separated, seeing someone, married or anything of the sort…
Then, hell no, I am not talking to you. No, we are not going to be friends because I won’t be the one helping you to be a cheating husband… Move along.

Safety First.

If you ask me on a date that is  me taking the metro to a far away stop, where you will pick me up for our fabulous date…
Then, I’m left to assume you are the Craigslist killer and I can’t let myself go and get into your car… That’s how people die.

Eyes. Men, eyes are important.

If in every single one of your pictures, you have sunglasses on or they are from behind or far away…
Then, I’m left to assume you have crazy serial killer eyes.

Abs are so great. Face is better.

If you have a plethora of pictures of your fantastically sculpted body, but none of your face…
Then, while I love me some great abs, unfortunately I’m left to assume your face it is horribly disfigured or your compensating. Your face matters.

Please, for the love, take photography lessons.

If your best angle is to put your phone in your lap, thus creating a triple chin and a clear look up your nose…
Then, you are definitely not catching my attention for the good. Maybe google selfie angles.

No one wants to be that close.

If your phone is so close that I can see the pores on your nose and your eyes are slightly crossed…
Then, maybe you have nugget arms or your phone should back up an inch or 15.

Everyone has a type they are attracted to…

If I decline to go out with you…
Then, maybe I’m just not attracted or interested in you, everyone has a type (or types) they find attractive, it’s not personal if you are not that type…

Please don’t make me explain why I’m not interested.

If I declined to go out with you…
Then, I’m probably not interested, don’t ask me why, and make me tell you potentially hurtful things because I won’t lie to you.

Height does matter.

If you get offended by my questions inquiring about your height…
Then, you are probably too short for me to feel comfortable with you… Don’t worry, another woman won’t care like I do. I’m a heightist, it’s a real thing for me I’ve stopped apologizing.

Which one are you?

If every single one of your pictures is a group picture…
Then, I’m hoping you are the attractive one. You are never the attractive one.

You do actually need to have friends though.

If every single one of your pictures was taken from a weird angle in your car, the bathroom, or the gym…
Then, I must assume you have no friends, which makes you either socially awkward or a narcissist. Neither of which am I interested in.

Let’s be clear, just don’t with the stupid confusing opening lines. Just. Don’t.

If your opening line is even remotely similar to (real openers):

“You’re a marvelous chocolate chip pancake in a sea of burnt waffles.”
“Hey, I feel you appear attractive and consequently would like to explore the possibility of exposing you to my awesomeness.”
“I’ve never gone out with a virgin before, but I’d be up for that experience.”
“Beautiful! And they said I couldn’t find beauty and class online!”
“What is love to you?”

Then, you are certainly not getting any sort of response. Figure your life out.

I didn’t ask for a picture.

If I didn’t ask for a picture of you half-dressed (or less) and your two little chicken nugget abs…
Then, stop embarrassing yourself by sending them. There isn’t going to be a return picture.

You can figure out how to see what I look like currently…

If you ask for an updated picture and I say no..
Then, maybe try asking me on a date to see what I look like currently. I look way better in person than in one of my ridiculous selfies I send to friends… Trust.

But for real, it’s called “online dating”, let’s actually try going on dates.

If you message and text me for days and I’m responding well…
Then, let’s actually try a date, laugh, talk, flirt, and enjoy getting to know someone new. I don’t want a digital pen-pal.

And because I feel like I have done enough directed at the men, I will leave you with this hilarious meme sent to me by a girlfriend. (sorry for the swear word)

(sorry for the swear word, but this is hilariously appropriate for this post)

(sorry for the swear word, but this is hilariously appropriate for this post)

Single v. Married…

I have been watching an interesting debate discussion lately about the benefits of being Single or being Married.. Or getting married young.. Or staying single longer.. whatever.

It has felt recently as though there are two teams and they are at odds with each other. I think it is a little odd that we seem to be “fighting” or trying to convince others that our current state is the best or correct one.

Here are a few of the articles in the discussion so you can follow along with why I am writing this post:
23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23
The Results of a Closed-Minded 23 Year Old
I Got Married at 23. What Are the Rest of You Waiting For?
Marriage Isn’t For You
Why I Did I Get Married so Young

(There are more, and you possibly have read different ones)

The “conversation” as a whole really just interests me quite a bit. Obviously some of the blog posts are in direct response to one another, whereas others seem to be oblivious to the conversation at large, and are merely adding their thoughts to the world.

I also think it’s interesting that 23 is the number that keeps getting brought up.

Let me start out by saying, I am not loving on or hating on one side of this conversation or the other, merely responding to the conversation as a whole. I think it would be helpful to highlight some things.

Some background on myself so you can be more aware of where I am coming from:
I am a turning 29 years old, still single, never married or engaged woman.
I am not at all against marriage, and not only did I think early on in my life that I would be married by this point in life, I still would like to get married to the right man someday… But, I am content single, actually love aspects of it, and I am willing to wait for the right man because I have seen the destruction of divorce in too many people (of all ages).
I also have done quite a bit of reading of research on Millennials (those born between 1980-2000) because I find people and culture fascinating (especially my own).

Now that my vantage point is known, here is my personal perspective and thoughts on the Single v. Married conversation:

Not everyone who is single loves it.
Not everyone who is married loves it.

Not everyone who is single thinks they have made a better choice than getting married.
Not everyone who is married thinks they have made a better choice than to stay single.

Being single has some major pros and cons.
Being married has some major pros and cons.

Singleness can be hard.
Marriage can be hard.

Selfishness is pervasive among single people.
Selfishness is pervasive among married people.

Some people “do” single better than being married.
Some people “do” married better than being single.

In some cases staying single was the wise choice.
In some cases getting married was the wise choice.

Grace, compassion, and selflessness is common among an astounding number of single people I know.
Grace, compassion, and selflessness is common among an astounding number of married people I know.

Life is an adventure when you are single.
Life is an adventure when you are married.

Staying single is better/healthier than getting divorced.
Getting married is better/healthier than sleeping with someone you’re not married to.

Remaining single “late” into your adult life does not automatically mean you are wiser than a young married couple.
Getting married young does not automatically mean you are unwise or pathetic.

Being single “late” into your adult life does not mean you are against those married young (or older).
Being married young (or older) does not mean you are against those still single “late” into adult life.

Being single does not mean you have purposefully chosen to be so to “get your life together”.
Being married does not mean you have purposefully chosen to be so because you’ve “gotten you life together”.

Etc..etc.. See?

For me, there are days that singleness is just straight up hard, and other times I love the advantages of flying solo. But, from my plethora of friends (married at all ages), there are days that they remind me that being married is just hard too or they love every little bit of the married life…

From where I sit, both have the same qualities, it just depends on the person or couple.

My perspective is that regardless of if you are married or single, you should have goals.. Good goals ones, fun ones, hard ones, solid ones, frivolous ones, and seemingly impossible ones, I think that is how you help yourself grow, and a way to help measure success as a single or married person/couple.

So, please, let’s stop justifying why one is better than the other as if our choice was the right one for everyone… or the perfect decision forever.

If you are single and loving it or wish to be married, that is awesome and good things can and will happen during this season.
If you are married and loving it or wish you had waited, good things can and will happen during this stage of life.

When Men Worship the Lord…

I have grown up in a family full of strong, God fearing, and loving men. I am so proud of them, respect them, and they have a great deal to do with the way I view men, and the way I feel men should treat and take care of women… Regardless of their relationship.

That being said, I am always encouraged to find, see, meet, become friends with, spend time with or talk to men outside of my family that exhibit the same level of character and love for the Lord. It warms my heart in an entirely unique way.

This weekend I spent 12 hours with a fairly large group of people from my church, praying and worshiping throughout the night, from 7:14pm Saturday (the 14th) to 7:14am Sunday (I will do a separate post about that experience later because it definitely needs its own). And, whether any of us like it or not, a lot can be understood about someone when they are singing worship music to their savior. For instance, you can tell when someone is deeply impacted and moved, you can tell when they are passionate, who is typically expressive, energetic, and when the music is taking them to solemn or emotional places. The nervousness some people exhibit while singing is interesting indication as well. All of these characteristics can be observed while someone is singing. Granted, the thing that is causing these behaviors to be exhibited can vary dramatically, so to assume someone is nervous because they are uncomfortable singing out-loud would be an unfair judgement, and that is not at all what I am talking about. I am merely talking about the basic things that are actually getting communicated, not the cause. And, I do believe in a lot of ways you can tell what type of person they are based on how the worship.

However, for just a few minutes, I want to focus specifically on the men I spent the evening worshiping and praying with. Why am I focusing on the men specifically? Because, while a lot of what I am saying can and does apply to women also, as a woman, I think it is actually easier for us to worship openly due to our natural bend towards being in touch with our emotions. Plus, I think there is a lot to be said about the leadership a man exhibits in the way he worships his Lord and King. Also, just a housekeeping note, I am specifically referring to congregational/group singing, and not at all referencing the worship leader’s gender or particular style of leading worship.

So, here are a few of the things that struck me from my 12 hours of prayer and worship with the men in attendance.

It just feels right when people of all backgrounds, ages etc.. unabashedly worship God together; however, there really is no amount of words that can accurately describe the comfort and “rightness” that comes from being around men who openly and passionately worship Christ. There is just something different about being around men who are excited to worship and not at all worried about those around them, if they are on key, if the person next to them is raising their hands or closing their eyes.

I have always loved listening to men and women’s voices blend when they sing together. When men lend their voices loudly to the group, it adds something that while beautiful, women’s voices simply do not have. There is a weight behind the sound when men sing that carries the song in a way that allows the women’s voices to add the beauty and change the depth of the song (Right about now is when it becomes clear I have virtually no experience and a seriously basic understanding of music making itself).

So, taking all of these things into consideration. Spending 12 hours around men who exhibited a love and passion for God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), was awesome to say the least. There is power behind men who worship openly. Men were meant to fight, strive, protect, and care for women, families, puppies (haha) etc.. they were made that way. It is an amazing thing to watch and hear men sing songs about needing Christ, humbly saying that God is holy, holy, holy, and declaring that if God is with them, then who and what could possibly stand in their way? Being surrounded for 12 hours by this atmosphere creates an entirely different level of comfort and feeling of safety even though I personally only knew a few of the dozens of men in the room.

Throughout various points in the night I watched and listened to the men around me, not because I wanted to judge them, but because I was trying to understand them… What was God saying to them? What were they saying to God? Were they praising or pleading for something? Were they feeling the weight of bondage or set free? Were they declaring victory or needing forgiveness? Were they at peace or burdened? It was such a unique atmosphere to be a part of for dozens upon dozens of reasons, but throughout the evening, I found myself on numerous occasions just smiling as I saw or heard the men around me. There were some fantastic singers, some really excited and passionate dancing, lots of men bowed down praying, and more than a few sobering and emotional moments, all mixed with a lot of singing from the very core of who they are.

While I could go on and on about all the ways the evening encouraged and changed things in my heart with just this one element of the evening; the biggest ways it impacted me were in feeling so proud of Christian men, and being incredibly encouraged to see so many of them leading the way they are supposed to; by seeking first the Kingdom of God. There is a good chance I will never know the names of the majority of the men I spent 12 hours praying and worshiping with, but the ones I did know now have a special place in my heart because of it all.

When men worship the Lord, it is a game changer because it allows God to change them, and then women cannot help but be effected.

I will likely never know even a small portion of the things the men were praying for, through or praising God for, but, they will also likely never know how it spoke to my heart and how 12 hours of worshiping and praying with them changed me. They will likely never know how that small step of leadership has impacted me, and I am uncertain I could even explain it or articulate it well if given the opportunity.

Bottom line, there is something exactly perfect and right with the world when men worship the Lord.