christianity

Cultivating Patient Endurance…

I have always said “I am not known for my patience…”

I don’t recommend identifying yourself as even a simple thing that is not from the Lord.

I naturally tend towards the side of being a bit of a whirlwind, charge ahead, figure it out as I go, and fly by the seat of my pants type person. I like to keep moving, feeling progress, and feeling stuck or stagnant feels more like jail than anything else. Can you imagine how I feel when God forces me to stop, pause, dwell, abide, and wait on Him?

Struggle.

On one hand, I desperately want to be obedient. But, on the other it is fighting my natural instincts. I feel a bit like a caged horse just anxious to move, to do something, to go, to take off and make progress.

Ahhh, but you see, patience is essential. Patient endurance is actually key to life with the Lord. – Crap.

I have been learning so much over the last couple of months, my themes get progressively harder and more nuanced. Each theme takes on a compounding weight with the previous themes…

But, true to form, here I am to share some of what I am learning.

Patient Endurance – It means the tolerant and even-tempered perseverance. It is the capacity or state of withstanding a hardship or stress, the act of persevering. The fact or power of bearing pain, hardship, or adversity.

If you have not, you may want to go read more about what I have been learning about Perseverance and Grit, or just a few of the themes God has given me to process.

For the longest time (aka pretty much my entire life) I have sorta separated out the Fruit of the Spirit. I have split them into two categories: the ones I am good at, and the ones I’m bad at. Naturally a lot of my life and actions are done through the lens of Kindness (pre-meditated thoughtfulness, consideration, and care for those around me)… Every single day, I am typically keenly aware of how what I do impacts those around me (sometimes for the worse, but also for the better).

Because honesty matters; what Fruit of the Spirit am I naturally bad at? Gentleness and Patience. – Shocked is no one ever.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, depending on the day, if I’m in a particularly unhealthy place, I’m bad at most of the Fruit of the Spirit!.. But, overall, on average, Gentleness and Patience are the struggles.

(A couple of years ago, my church did an “Elements” series. It was awesome, and I highly recommend checking it out to give you a good starting place too!)

So, I keep coming back to this:

“If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”
– Galatians 5:25

When we are in-tune with the Holy Spirit, the evidence of that is each and every one of these descriptors:
Love,
Joy,
Peace,
Patience,
Kindness,
Goodness,
Faithfulness,
Gentleness,
and Self-control

Yet, throughout scripture I’m realizing that these qualities are not all equal. Some Fruit of the Spirit are gifted, others you actually have to work towards diligently, still others are primarily an overflow of time abiding with God, unfortunately some are straight up a willful decision in moments and situations, and then some are just cultivated over time.

Awesome. Not easy.

Self-control is cultivated.
Gentleness is a choice response; usually after wisdom and compassion have had a chance to work in and through us.
Patience, oh sweet dear patience is cultivated through difficulties. Repeatedly throughout scripture patience is linked to humility, gentleness, kindness, tribulations, proven character, hope, faith and love. – Ouch. There’s really no great and wonderful rainbows and butterflies; this one is a matter of grit.

Patience is cultivated.
Patience is learned and created through difficult situations, learning, growing and choosing the response.
Patience is born out of some of the worst seasons of our life that create compassion and love for others.

Also, just so we are clear, there is a huge element of patience that is connected to pressing into the presence of God. I have started to actually see the shift and change within me as I continue to spend more time abiding, dwelling, and going to God open-handed with every bit of who I am with the situations I am facing.

Here are a few things about patience that I am learning about in this accidental growth in patience processing season:

Patience cultivation is so freaking hard. – Like truly, learning patience means being aware of your mindset, your heart, the stress and situations you are facing, and being aware enough to know how to respond well… Even if that means actually not responding at all.

Patience is equated with perseverance, which means there is a longevity associated with it. There is nothing quick about patience cultivation.

Patience is a process. As in, I have realized that as I respond poorly in situations with little or no patience, I absolutely must spend some time processing what and why I didn’t have patience and learn from it.

I have realized that when I do not have capacity for patience, I am stress and overwhelmed, and likely tapped out. My only option and saving grace is for me to force space for myself to spend some time with God. – Over the last couple months, I have come to realize, no matter how busy I am or how pressed I feel, if I do not create daily time and space with God, patience is going to dwindle alarmingly quickly for me.

God is continuing to tell me to hold steadfast, to persevere, and then issuing the challenge of “are you going to be obedient?”… Only, the challenge has shifted slightly to “do you have the patient endurance to persevere through the process?”

What process?

This process; the re-shaping, learning, growing, and creating a new foundation within me.
This process is changing me intensely and incredibly from the core of who I am outward.
God has changed the game, He has adjusted the way He and I communicate, and He is teaching me about patient endurance day by day.
A huge part of this process has been God restoring the credibility I didn’t know had been damaged. I have started learning how to recognize my need for time with Him first before reaching out to someone else for comfort… It’s a huge step for me.

Each day, I feel as though I am living out and learning that in order to actually have patient endurance, I have no choice but to live by the, “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” command in Matthew 6.

What’s coming soon, the stress of tomorrow or two weeks from now, it is literally too much to handle and it sends my fear, stress and anxiety over the edge… And graciously, lovingly with more tenderness than I realize, the Lord calls me back to today, to this moment, to Him, and asks me to Trust Him. – Allow Him to navigate the process and restore my faith and His credibility as I learn patient endurance. Some days, I easily do this with the feeling of contentment and grace, other days I am a waffling crazy person in my head and heart…. Who’s to say which way I will go each day!

Patient Endurance is intensely difficult because there’s a decision to choose steadiness that requires me to resolutely and dutifully hold firm and unwavering regardless of how I feel or see before me.

Patient Endurance begins to create a peace within your soul because of the time needed in abiding and dwelling with my Sweet Savior.

Patient Endurance forces me to confront my fears and the things I do not have control over and hand them over to the Lord trusting that His timing is better.

Patient Endurance changes you and slowly creates a calm confidence that God can be trusted.

God can be trusted. His timing is better than mine.

It will all be worth it in the end.

First Impressions

My official job title is First Impressions Director for NCC. I love my job, it is challenging in a plethora of ways, but it also feeds into my strengths and passions and allows me to create space to learn more about people and how to reach them better; and then teach that to others.

The number one question I get asked is “What is a First Impressions Director?” – The  simplest way to explain it is: Anything that would be your first impression when you go to church; all of that falls under my responsibilities in one way or another. Meaning, it includes Hospitality, Connections, safety, setup and tear down, lobby, signage and of course coordinating volunteers that make all of these things possible… “and other duties as assigned” haha

Thankfully my more than a decades worth of marketing background lends itself quite nicely to my role, as does my research for marketing clients that I do on the side.

Two or more times a month someone from  another church will contact me looking for resources, trainings, general help, and sometimes just for someone to know how hard it is. The thing I find amazing is that these people are from around the country of varying sizes with different denominations, backgrounds and so many additional factors that play into their church. I love talking to and helping these churches. I love learning from and collaborating with them because there is always something to be learned for me as well!

I have found that there is very little out there in terms of resources for churches on the who/what/where/when/why and how of First Impressions/Hospitality. – That is NOT to say that churches haven’t created amazing teams, resources, trainings, or programs themselves; it is just not a topic that others can easily learn from like pastoring, discipleship, leadership, or worship in the church. There is significantly less available in terms of resources on the topic and there are no conferences that I have found.

Some questions I get often (and my answers):

Why First Impressions?
If you read through scripture, it actually is very clear that God cares very much about First Impressions. I think the reason behind it varies depending on where you read in scripture, but it is clear, for a dozen reasons it is important… But, it also looks different in different cultures. Read Exodus and Numbers about the creation and descriptions of the Temple… There is a RIDICULOUS amount of attention to detail. God cares about the colors, metals, fabrics, people, location and frequency of the Old Testament Temple. – In fact he cares so much, that if it is handled or approached inappropriately He MAY CHOOSE to kill you instantly. Dang.

Included in First Impressions is Hospitality, which scripture actually talks about as required character trait for Elders (1 Timothy 3:2) and Bishops (Titus 1:8) as well as being a command for all believers (1 Peter 4:9).

But, it is also something we are to PRACTICE and learn how to extend it (Romans 12:13). (wording is different depending on translation for this verse)

Is First Impressions just a fancy hipster name?

Maybe the title itself to could to some degree be considered a trend, however the cultural relevance, spirit and motivation behind it are based solidly in scripture.

How do I know this?

The care that God took with the Temple.
How Paul was careful to learn about the cultures he went to in order to spread the Gospel more effectively.

Included in First Impressions is Hospitality, which is not as simple and fluffy as we can make it to be in church ministry world.

The word “hospitality” is directly descended from the Latin “hospitalitas,” which means, “to be friendly or kind to strangers or guests.”

The Greek words φιλονεξία and φιλόξενος are translated “hospitality” in scripture, and literally mean “to show love to strangers.”

In order to love, be friendly or kind to strangers, you must know and understand them. – If you do not understand them, you risk the chance of offending them, making them feel awkward, creating anxiety or giving them a bad experience… And ultimately this means they are more than likely going to miss the encounter with Jesus because their focus will be elsewhere.

Know the culture of those you are engaging with.

Remove any and all barriers that you can, so that satan cannot use stupid and simple distractions to prevent them from hearing the Gospel.

We are also commanded to show hospitality to one another without complaint. (1 Peter 4:9)
Hospitality is a way we “may entertain angels” without knowing it. (Hebrews 13:2) – (uhm what?!)

But, WHY is First Impressions important?

Because, as believers, it is our job to do whatever we can to spread the Gospel. If that means paying special attention and changing our presentation, approach, signage, language, lingo, and adjusting it so that people (who do not currently know Christ) have the chance to hear the words of Jesus without hinderance: Then do that. – No excuses.

When you are in ministry, in the church world (or in everyday life), it is my personal (views are my own) belief that it is YOUR responsibility to be like Paul, and adjust yourself to reach those around you better.

If we have to change the words used in order for people to better understand the life changing message of Christ. Then adjust.

Changing the language was the whole purpose behind The Message translation of the Bible.

Instead of fighting someone’s culture, as believers, it is our job to use their culture to help us communicate effectively and clearly with them. Changing the language to communicate clearly is found throughout scripture: Jesus did this, Paul did this, the Holy Spirit did this in Acts so that people could take the Gospel back to their cultures in their language and understanding.

First Impressions matter, it works diligently and hard with a passion for others in creating space for people to encounter and know that they belong and are loved exactly where they are today.

He (Jesus) Loves You!

***I am so thrilled to feature my first ever guest blogger, and it is only fitting that it would be Renee Fisher because back in the fall she asked me to guest post on her site, and it was my first time ever guest posting! Renee has quickly become a great online friend and mentor to me, and I regularly find myself impacted and challenged by the things on her blog site DevotionalDiva.com. Also, be sure to check out her new book Loves Me Not, you will not be disappointed!

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He (Jesus) Loves You
[Guest post by Renee Fisher] 

He (Jesus) loves you. Yeah you.

If there’s one thing you remember from this post it’s that:

You.

 

Are.

 

Loved.

 

Fisher COVER - Loves Me NotI recently wrote a book entitled Loves Me Not, and I’d love for you to read it!

I wanted to focus solely on heartbreak and how to find healing God’s way. If you or anyone you know is currently experiencing a broken relationship or a breakup–I encourage you to pick up the eBook for only $2.99.
Here are a few benefits you will gain from reading this book:

+ Why Guarding Your Heart Isn’t Enough
+ Can Men and Women Be “Just Friends”?
+ Desperate Singles
+ Breaking Up With “The One”
+ Why Changing Your Significant Other Won’t Work
+ The Right Way To Breakup
+ How To Handle A Breakup
+ How To Be Your Own (Single) Person
+ Why Breakups Are Hard
+ He (Jesus) Loves You!

Relationships are very important to me.

God had me wait over twelve years to meet my husband. It’s probably because God knew how long it would take for me to understand how much He loved me. I didn’t need a man to tell me that (although it’s nice). It’s never enough. I wrote in Loves Me Not,

“God loved you first, so you could love others. He never meant for you to experience heartbreak, and He is the only one who can heal us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

So what if you meet your dream guy or girl soon?

God wants us to love and obey Him because we want to, not because we have to. If you’ve seen the movie The Break-Up with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston, that was the point. Jennifer’s character broke up with Vince because he didn’t act like he wanted to be with her. All she wanted was for him to at least try to act like he cared about their relationship.

Maybe your heart says one thing but your actions do another.

Did you know your actions speak your heart? If your heart is not fully with God, the lover of your soul, then something’s missing. God desperately wants you all to Himself. Keep your faith in God and that He will bring you the desires of your heart. Stand strong and do not look to the opposite sex. Do not be hindered by your flesh, for your flesh wants pleasure now. But now is not the time. Not yet. Do not be frustrated; the day is coming. Do not be angry. When the day comes, you will be pleased beyond comprehension.

Wait for your future spouse and do not anxiously search for him or her.

When the time is ripe, you will know because God will show you. When you give this to God, He will give you peace, and when attacks of the flesh come, flee for the peace God has, which comes when you trust in Him and wait for the right timing. The time, when it comes, will be amazing, so please wait for this wonderful gift. Jesus loves you.”

Just re-reading those words gives me the chills.

I can remember how hard it was to hear those words. When I was single I thought married people didn’t know what they were talking about.

Be encouraged my friends! 

Now that I’m married I see what they were talking about. Why? Because God never wastes a step on the journey towards finding our future mate. Since we are made in His image–there’s nothing we can do to make Him love us any less. God’s love remains the same whether we’re single or married–and that my friends is something to celebrate.

You.

 

Are.

 

Loved.

reneefisherRenee Fisher, the Devotional Diva®, is the spirited speaker and author of Faithbook of Jesus, Not Another Dating Book, Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me, and Loves Me Not. A graduate of Biola University, Renee’s mission in life is to “spur others forward” (Hebrews 10:24) using the lessons learned from her own trials to encourage others in their walk with God. She and her husband, Marc, live in California with their dog, Star. Learn more about Renee at www.devotionaldiva.com.

Mean Christians…

Christians can be some of the meanest people you ever encounter.

Why is that? — I mean, let’s look at the facts for a moment…

Christians have the Truth of eternal life, their model for good behavior is a man who was actually God and perfect, they have been given both grace for their sins and forgiveness that they do not deserve and have not earned.. And, in return they are asked to merely love others, and love God.

Seems simple enough.. But, I wish it were that easy.

Somehow merely loving others does not seem to play into the every day reactions of Christians. Somewhere in the mix of being told to tell others, “Jesus loves you” Christians seem to scream instead, “I am RIGHT, and you are wrong.”

Now, do not misunderstand me here, I know the real thing that makes Christians mean: Christians are fallen, broken, and not even close to perfect, regardless of the role model…

But, what astonishes me is the ability for someone to go from talking about how much they love their Lord and Savior or “serving,” and then mere minutes later be intentionally reaming someone out for a minor offense. The real reason for the meanness likely truly stems from their internal voice wanting to be right or their personal feelings being offended.

Let me highlight a few things. First, the Bible is pretty clear about how to handle disagreements, conflict, and forgiveness:

“If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church. If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love.

‘Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven; a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there.’

At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, ‘Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?’

Jesus replied, ‘Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.'” – Matthew 18:15-22 (MSG)

Jesus leaves no room for Christians to choose to be right or arrogant, offended or offensive. — Our only true option is acting in love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

Second point, speaking personally, I have no inclination to help anyone who is in my face upset or yelling at me. — However, I will pretty much bend over backwards, for someone who has made it clear I am a priority and they care about me.

It truly grieves my heart though when I experience, hear about or watch Christians making fools of themselves with their attitude, complaints, and false pretenses of being better than someone else… Or worse yet, when Christians are straight up acting a fool and claiming it is on behalf of someone else.

I mean, I am a Christ-follower to the core, and I still act a fool regularly, say insensitive things, react poorly or flat-out respond in a harsh and entirely mean way. But, the reality is that it never gets me what I want, and I certainly never feel better after I “get it out.”

Really, the answer is “No,” it is not ok to break God’s commands merely because you are offended, upset or taking up the cause of someone else… In fact, God told David that he was to be ruler, and then he was presented with the opportunity to KILL the current king Saul in a cave. However, he chose not to because it was against the law to murder the king… And, lo and behold, God was able to still orchestrate David becoming king.

God does not ever require us to forsake His commands in order to “do good” or “make right” on His behalf.

So, a few challenges that even I myself, need to pay more attention to:

  • Deal with conflict/concerns/issues/problems/frustrations Biblically.
  • When you fail to handle a situation well, apologize quickly.
  • Give up the false pretense that your feelings must mean you are correct. (ouch.. this one is really hard for me)
  • Do not judge the actions of others and the intentions of yourself.
  • When in doubt, fruits of the spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.
  • When in doubt, love. Because love is patient, love is kind, love keeps no record of wrongs, love does not boast, love does not envy, love does not act unbecomingly, love does not seek it’s own agenda, love bears all things, love believes all things. Love. Hopes. And. Endures. All. Things.

When in doubt, love.. Not meanness.

***Disclaimer: I am not pretending that I have not also fallen into the behavior I am highlighting.***