Just Once…

**This blog post is a totally unimportant rant. Just wanted to preface that before you started reading.

I love movies. I definitely get that from my dad. I also probably have an affinity because of all of the movies we have gone to see together, and then the inevitable discussion about the movie afterwards.

A couple of months ago, I went to see The Call with two of my sisters. It was a decent movie, definitely keeps your attention, but it is tense… I mean, man was it tense! I think part of the reason the level of intensity stands out to me even still, is because before the movie started I literally had no idea what the movie was about, and thus was more than a little surprised to find myself holding my breath and entirely rigid throughout most of the movie.

That being said, I must say this:
Just once, I want to see a woman in a scary or tense movie not be stupid when facing the bad guy.
Just once I’d like her to call for backup when it’s appropriate.
Just once I’d love for her to have a weapon, and know how to effectively use it.
Just once I’d cheer for her to know how to fight well. I’d love to see her beat the snot out of him, and not just hit him and run.. only to be caught moments later cause she only cut his face and angered him.
Just once I’d like to see her make wise choices.

I get so aggravated when logical survival choices are not followed in movies.

No one in their right mind runs upstairs when trying to get away from a bad guy their own house…

No one in their right mind thinks: “I’ll call for back up later, instead I’ll just go down into this hole in the middle of a field all by myself, without anyone knowing where I am because I think the bad guy is holding someone. I. Am. Brilliant.” *facepalm*

Now, I realize that I have a slightly (ok vastly) different perspective on self-defense, fighting, and martial arts in general (thank you daddy) than most, and probably especially most women (the martial arts world will do that to you.); but, seriously, I cannot be the only one who looks at these movies and thinks, “that may just be the most unrealistic thing in this movie..”

I realize that some of my perspective of this movie, and many others like it really just stem from my view of what I am capable of, and then projecting that onto others. Yet, I feel like it also fits into the same category that people complain about men or dads being portrayed as stupid.. It’s not even close to how most things are.

Just once it would be nice to see the unexpected happen and have a woman make wise choices in a scary/tense movie!

Not Feeling It…

There are so many times that I have things to say, and question whether it is ok for me to blog about it because I struggle daily with boundaries… Not just my own and finding balance in my life, but also with people passing judgement before understanding. While it is true for everyone, literally everything I do has people watching and evaluating whether it was good or bad… and then making judgement calls on whether that means I am good or bad, have good intentions, or even really care at all. It’s exhausting and tonight I am over it with absolutely no patience for someone else’s decision on whether I have a good heart or not.

Realistically no matter how many people think what I have done or said was good, there are always people who view it as bad. Literally no matter what it is I have said or done.

Tonight I am pretty much fed up and annoyed at the world.

I am tired of being explained by people as being a “High D” (referring to the DISC test).. When in actuality, I am a higher “I” than “D”, but I just so happen to be incredibly high for both “D” and “I”… You cannot actually explain away my behavior by stating “Krista is a high D” because as with most personality tests that I take, I am never just one thing, I always end up being extremes of multiple things…

If you do not know what the letters stand for:

  • Dominance – relating to control, power and assertiveness
  • Inducement – relating to social situations and communication
  • Submission – relating to patience, persistence, and thoughtfulness
  • Compliance – relating to structure and organization

It is a much better description to realize that I am both high dominance and inducement… I’m blended.

Some realities of my life:

I work 60-80 hours a week, every week, and have been for 7 straight months (assuming I don’t work more than 80 hours a week). I do not hang out or go out unless it is by myself.. I could literally count on one hand how many times I have gone out or hung out with other people.

I live alone. — If you pay any attention to me at all, this fact is pretty self-explanatory.

I am in school on top of everything else. And, to top it all off, my computer is acting stupid, still.. But, I don’t have the time to send it into the shop for a week. Grr.

To say that I am tired would be the most laughable exaggeration.

In February I told a group of people that they need to ensure they are pressing their refresh/reboot button regularly… I have totally failed at taking my own advice. Complete fail.

I cannot vent. For me, not venting means not gaining perspective and not processing. I feel as though because I am single, there is an understanding that things cannot be shared since I do not have a spouse to bounce thoughts off of or vent to and gain perspective. The reality is, I am a verbal processor, venting and getting someone to tell me how what I say sounds is the absolute best way for me to process through things.

Judgement is passed on me constantly. I am rarely asked to clarify or explain further, and worse yet, I hardly ever know if someone has misinterpreted what I have said.

I can count in one hand the number of people who I believe could adequately describe “who I am” here. After this length of time, that fact alone makes me want to scream… or cry maybe. Either way it is frustrating.

The concept of healthy confrontation seems to be lost on so many people. I cannot change what I do not know, and I cannot clarify what I did not know needs clarifying. Dealing with confrontational situations are always painful to go through for sure, but I believe you cannot completely trust someone who will not confront you.

I rarely share my heart with people here. Mostly because I am judged constantly, if I say something wrong, then instantly my ministry is “hurt.” But also, I do not often get the opportunity to share my heart; that alone frustrates me more than most things.

People say some the most rude and insensitive things to me all the time.

I appreciate the people who joke with me purely because I get the chance to just be ridiculous.

I am constantly questioned (and judged) about everything I say and do.. literally. Then I am questioned about how I handle it…

Not to sound like I am making excuses, but I would like to draw the attention to the fact that I work, a lot.. and I am in school.. and I have no outlet.. and, believe it or not, I am only 28. I do not make apologies for not being older and more mature, but I am not arrogant enough to not think or recognize that I make a lot of mistakes every day..

Tonight I am tired of it all, and tired of feeling hurt that people don’t even pretend to try to understand me or my perspective. Just totally over it tonight. Tomorrow will be better, but it’s gonna take a lot of prayer time to get me there.