Singleness

Online Dating Help for Men…

So, I guess with this post I have to finally admit to more than just a few people that I am online dating… Or rather, I’m “online looking” since I have unfortunately been on very few actual dates.

Let me start by saying, obviously not all men need help… but, from what I have experienced, so. many. do need help. To be clear, I also cannot comment on whether women need similar help (or the same advice) since I am looking at only men’s profiles.

This post is meant to be humorous… However, every. single. point. made. comes from one (or a plethora) of men, and therefore everything below is factual.

Let’s start with, you do need to actually be single.

If you are separated, seeing someone, married or anything of the sort…
Then, hell no, I am not talking to you. No, we are not going to be friends because I won’t be the one helping you to be a cheating husband… Move along.

Safety First.

If you ask me on a date that is  me taking the metro to a far away stop, where you will pick me up for our fabulous date…
Then, I’m left to assume you are the Craigslist killer and I can’t let myself go and get into your car… That’s how people die.

Eyes. Men, eyes are important.

If in every single one of your pictures, you have sunglasses on or they are from behind or far away…
Then, I’m left to assume you have crazy serial killer eyes.

Abs are so great. Face is better.

If you have a plethora of pictures of your fantastically sculpted body, but none of your face…
Then, while I love me some great abs, unfortunately I’m left to assume your face it is horribly disfigured or your compensating. Your face matters.

Please, for the love, take photography lessons.

If your best angle is to put your phone in your lap, thus creating a triple chin and a clear look up your nose…
Then, you are definitely not catching my attention for the good. Maybe google selfie angles.

No one wants to be that close.

If your phone is so close that I can see the pores on your nose and your eyes are slightly crossed…
Then, maybe you have nugget arms or your phone should back up an inch or 15.

Everyone has a type they are attracted to…

If I decline to go out with you…
Then, maybe I’m just not attracted or interested in you, everyone has a type (or types) they find attractive, it’s not personal if you are not that type…

Please don’t make me explain why I’m not interested.

If I declined to go out with you…
Then, I’m probably not interested, don’t ask me why, and make me tell you potentially hurtful things because I won’t lie to you.

Height does matter.

If you get offended by my questions inquiring about your height…
Then, you are probably too short for me to feel comfortable with you… Don’t worry, another woman won’t care like I do. I’m a heightist, it’s a real thing for me I’ve stopped apologizing.

Which one are you?

If every single one of your pictures is a group picture…
Then, I’m hoping you are the attractive one. You are never the attractive one.

You do actually need to have friends though.

If every single one of your pictures was taken from a weird angle in your car, the bathroom, or the gym…
Then, I must assume you have no friends, which makes you either socially awkward or a narcissist. Neither of which am I interested in.

Let’s be clear, just don’t with the stupid confusing opening lines. Just. Don’t.

If your opening line is even remotely similar to (real openers):

“You’re a marvelous chocolate chip pancake in a sea of burnt waffles.”
“Hey, I feel you appear attractive and consequently would like to explore the possibility of exposing you to my awesomeness.”
“I’ve never gone out with a virgin before, but I’d be up for that experience.”
“Boo!”
“Beautiful! And they said I couldn’t find beauty and class online!”
“What is love to you?”

Then, you are certainly not getting any sort of response. Figure your life out.

I didn’t ask for a picture.

If I didn’t ask for a picture of you half-dressed (or less) and your two little chicken nugget abs…
Then, stop embarrassing yourself by sending them. There isn’t going to be a return picture.

You can figure out how to see what I look like currently…

If you ask for an updated picture and I say no..
Then, maybe try asking me on a date to see what I look like currently. I look way better in person than in one of my ridiculous selfies I send to friends… Trust.

But for real, it’s called “online dating”, let’s actually try going on dates.

If you message and text me for days and I’m responding well…
Then, let’s actually try a date, laugh, talk, flirt, and enjoy getting to know someone new. I don’t want a digital pen-pal.

And because I feel like I have done enough directed at the men, I will leave you with this hilarious meme sent to me by a girlfriend. (sorry for the swear word)

(sorry for the swear word, but this is hilariously appropriate for this post)

(sorry for the swear word, but this is hilariously appropriate for this post)

The Single’s FOMO…

I was talking with a couple other girls not long ago, and we were discussing the difficulty in being single in Christian circles…

In many instances, and in many churches, getting married quickly becomes the goal or at least the thing that girls (and guys I suppose) should aim towards. Getting married young is common, and in some cases being married is seen as automatically having more maturity than single counterparts.

Quick side note before I plunge deeper into this thought; I am still firmly in the I think it would be great to find someone one day, but this post is not at all a reflection of feeling lonely or jealous of my married friends.

I know from personal experience, it is pretty frustrating to have someone who got married much younger than I am currently, try to offer encouragement in the form of “just be patient”. And, not so much because what they are saying is not true, but because they have not experienced the additional years of patience, and it can feel like they are entirely missing the feelings of desiring to find someone and being unable.

However, while we were talking the other night, we stumbled upon what I believe is the real (ok, maybe just a huge portion of the) struggle for girls (and maybe guys) as they get older and find themselves still single: The fear of missing out (fomo).

“What if I don’t get married until my mid-thirties and miss so many of the things my friends are getting to do now?”
“What if I am too old to have kids when I get married?”
“… I don’t want to miss the possible ten or more years that we could’ve spent together!”

It can definitely be hard at times to watch so many people get married young and have amazing love stories, being so happy and thankful for the person God has brought into their life… While you are still single, and in some cases single for many more years to come. Watching others have these experiences of building lives together, someone to adventure with, someone to support and encourage, families, children.. and of course someone to help you through difficult times… all while being told to be patient just feels like an insult at times. There is a very real fear of missing out on years of love, laughter, and support…

“IF I end up getting married, will I regret the years we didn’t have together?”
“IF I get married, will we be young enough to also have years and energy to enjoy each other’s company?”
“IF I do get married, will we be young enough to have the number of children I’ve always wanted?”

But, the fear goes deeper than just fear of missing out on being a 20-something with a spouse.. What if, by the time you do end up getting married, you still regret and mourn the lost years that you were single?

I do not know of many pastors or churches that even touch on these fears.

But, the reality is, both faith and hope in not just who God is, but how much He loves us, and how much our singleness (for however long we have it) bring Him glory.

I am by nature a more adventurous person, I enjoy seeing what could happen, traveling to far away places, or just sitting and talking with friends laughing until way too late into the night. And while one day, I would love to find a man, fall in love, and get married, that time is not now, and I do not regret my life so far. There have certainly been difficult seasons, and they would have been easier for sure with a partner, at the same time, I realize there are elements of things that I likely would not have learned… and would not be able to use to help someone else later.

So, in my experience, if you have a “young but older young single” person in your life, be gentle and wise in the way you encourage. For the love, do not quote Jeremiah 29:11 to them, instead take time to wade through the complicated maze that is their heart. Understand where the fears come from, and instead of offering trite quick bits of advice, take the time to share their journey with them… I have discovered that my struggle to traverse my singleness (alone) is much more satisfying when I feel like my situation is understood by someone else, I feel less alone when I am not given a quick “you just need to..” and instead, my heartaches, thoughts, fears, wondering, and desires are listened to and responded to with wisdom and insight.

Being single and fearing the potential loss of years of building a life together are real, but put in the right perspective that our God is a good God, He tenderly loves us, and looking back we will have the satisfaction that even Job experienced at the end of his (much more traumatic) journey.

Single v. Married…

I have been watching an interesting debate discussion lately about the benefits of being Single or being Married.. Or getting married young.. Or staying single longer.. whatever.

It has felt recently as though there are two teams and they are at odds with each other. I think it is a little odd that we seem to be “fighting” or trying to convince others that our current state is the best or correct one.

Here are a few of the articles in the discussion so you can follow along with why I am writing this post:
23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23
The Results of a Closed-Minded 23 Year Old
I Got Married at 23. What Are the Rest of You Waiting For?
Marriage Isn’t For You
Why I Did I Get Married so Young

(There are more, and you possibly have read different ones)

The “conversation” as a whole really just interests me quite a bit. Obviously some of the blog posts are in direct response to one another, whereas others seem to be oblivious to the conversation at large, and are merely adding their thoughts to the world.

I also think it’s interesting that 23 is the number that keeps getting brought up.

Let me start out by saying, I am not loving on or hating on one side of this conversation or the other, merely responding to the conversation as a whole. I think it would be helpful to highlight some things.

Some background on myself so you can be more aware of where I am coming from:
I am a turning 29 years old, still single, never married or engaged woman.
I am not at all against marriage, and not only did I think early on in my life that I would be married by this point in life, I still would like to get married to the right man someday… But, I am content single, actually love aspects of it, and I am willing to wait for the right man because I have seen the destruction of divorce in too many people (of all ages).
I also have done quite a bit of reading of research on Millennials (those born between 1980-2000) because I find people and culture fascinating (especially my own).

Now that my vantage point is known, here is my personal perspective and thoughts on the Single v. Married conversation:

Not everyone who is single loves it.
Not everyone who is married loves it.

Not everyone who is single thinks they have made a better choice than getting married.
Not everyone who is married thinks they have made a better choice than to stay single.

Being single has some major pros and cons.
Being married has some major pros and cons.

Singleness can be hard.
Marriage can be hard.

Selfishness is pervasive among single people.
Selfishness is pervasive among married people.

Some people “do” single better than being married.
Some people “do” married better than being single.

In some cases staying single was the wise choice.
In some cases getting married was the wise choice.

Grace, compassion, and selflessness is common among an astounding number of single people I know.
Grace, compassion, and selflessness is common among an astounding number of married people I know.

Life is an adventure when you are single.
Life is an adventure when you are married.

Staying single is better/healthier than getting divorced.
Getting married is better/healthier than sleeping with someone you’re not married to.

Remaining single “late” into your adult life does not automatically mean you are wiser than a young married couple.
Getting married young does not automatically mean you are unwise or pathetic.

Being single “late” into your adult life does not mean you are against those married young (or older).
Being married young (or older) does not mean you are against those still single “late” into adult life.

Being single does not mean you have purposefully chosen to be so to “get your life together”.
Being married does not mean you have purposefully chosen to be so because you’ve “gotten you life together”.

Etc..etc.. See?

For me, there are days that singleness is just straight up hard, and other times I love the advantages of flying solo. But, from my plethora of friends (married at all ages), there are days that they remind me that being married is just hard too or they love every little bit of the married life…

From where I sit, both have the same qualities, it just depends on the person or couple.

My perspective is that regardless of if you are married or single, you should have goals.. Good goals ones, fun ones, hard ones, solid ones, frivolous ones, and seemingly impossible ones, I think that is how you help yourself grow, and a way to help measure success as a single or married person/couple.

So, please, let’s stop justifying why one is better than the other as if our choice was the right one for everyone… or the perfect decision forever.

If you are single and loving it or wish to be married, that is awesome and good things can and will happen during this season.
If you are married and loving it or wish you had waited, good things can and will happen during this stage of life.

Revised Bucket List…

When I was in high school, I decided I wanted to be the type of old person who had so many ridiculous and crazy stories of things I have done, places I have been, and people I have met that the only question that would make sense is: “How did you have time to do everything?” When I settled on that as a huge goal in life, I began crafting a bucket list of sorts… Only, it is more of my “life” goals, but the meaning is essentially the same I suppose.

So, regularly I revise my bucket list because I think it should be ever-growing and molding; plus, I must replace the items I have accomplished with new ones!

A couple of years ago, I re-organized my list and created categories which has made it easier to manage, follow, update and honestly just be really excited about. So…

It is time to update my Life Goals list again!

Experiences:

  1. Watch the sunrise AND sunset from each side of every ocean or sea (a = Sunrise, b = Sunset): 1. Pacific (b), 2. Atlantic, 3. Indian, 4. Arctic, 5. Southern, 6. Mediterranean Sea (a), 7. Caribbean, 8. South China Sea, 9. Bering Sea, 10. Gulf of Mexico (b), 11. Okhotsk Sea, 12. East China Sea, 13. Hudson Bay, 14. Japan Sea, 15. Andaman Sea, 16. North Sea, 17. Red Sea, 18. Baltic Sea
  2. Have a croissant at a French cafe 
  3. Ride a gondola in Venice
  4. Stay in a hostel
  5. Attend Loy Krathong, the sky lantern festival in Thailand
  6. Attend La Tomatina in Spain
  7. Be in Spain for running of the Bulls (but not participate)
  8. Move somewhere new alone
  9. Participate in a giant food fight
  10. Drink whiskey at a pub in Ireland
  11. Ride a helicopter
  12. Ride an elephant
  13. Ride a camel in the desert
  14. Ride through the Panama Canal
  15. Horseback ride through a coffee plantation
  16. Jump off a waterfall
  17. See the Pyramids at sunset
  18. See a glacier in Antarctica
  19. Visit the church made entirely of bones
  20. Visit ancient ruins
  21. Stay in the ice hotel
  22. Stand on the Great Wall of China
  23. Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower
  24. Stand inside the Taj Mahal
  25. Tube down a river
  26. Learn to roll in a kayak
  27. Learn to snowboard, and ski
  28. Learn to wakeboard and water ski
  29. Drive a sports car over 100mph
  30. Go parasailing
  31. Go paragliding
  32. Go dog sledding
  33. Go on a Safari in Africa 
  34. Go rock climbing
  35. Go to the Kentucky Derby
  36. Go white water rafting
  37. Go Sky diving
  38. Go on a multi-day biking trip
  39. Go on a cruise
  40. Go wine tasting
  41. Wine taste at a vineyard in Italy
  42. Climb a volcano 
  43. Climb a glacier 
  44. Climb a mountain
  45. See and/or climb Mt. Kilomanjaro and Mt. Everest
  46. Hike the Inca Trail 
  47. Watch the sunrise or sunset over the Grand Canyon
  48. Watch the Northern Lights 
  49. See a shooting star 
  50. See Bioluminescent Plankton 
  51. Ring a church bell
  52. Choose fifty favorite places to relax and connect with God
  53. Attend the entire summer Olympics
  54. Zip line through a canopy
  55. Drink lemonade on the front porch swing on warm summer night
  56. Live in a house with a window seat and wrap around porch
  57. Christen a boat
  58. Learn to surf
  59. Learn to paddleboard  
  60. Dive with Manta Rays in Hawaii
  61. Swim in the Dead Sea
  62. Swim with a whale
  63. Snorkel the great barrier reef in Australia
  64. Swim with bioluminescent plankton in Puerto Rico
  65. Scuba dive 
  66. Tango in a milonga 
  67. Spend a night in a treehouse
  68. Have a big wedding celebration with everyone I love

Travel:

  1. Set foot on all seven continents: Asia, Africa, North America, South America, Antarctica, Europe, and Australia.
  2. Set foot in all fifty states:Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming
  3. Cross the Canadian border 
  4. Go to Cuba
  5. Go to Spain
  6. Straddle the equator on two continents
  7. Take a road trip across the U.S.
  8. Have an adventure in Greece
  9. Take a month-long vacation without computers
  10. Live in another country for a year
  11. Go to Fiji
  12. Spend a summer touring Europe
  13. Go to Hawaii
  14. Go to South America with my sister

Personal:

  1. Attend a Ball
  2. Learn Latin dances: Argentine Tango, Salsa, Cumbia, Merengue, Cha cha, Bachata, Rumba, Mambo,
  3. Learn to West Coast Swing
  4. Be a published artist
  5. Get art in a gallery
  6. Write a book or novel
  7. Finish and publish “Facts of Life”
  8. Throw a block party
  9. Blog consistently for 10 years
  10. Go a day without speaking
  11. Organize a retreat
  12. Start and run my own business
  13. Get my second degree black belt
  14. Get a tattoo (I have two)
  15. Do two pull ups 
  16. Own a very large dog 
  17. Be conversational in two languages: 1. English 2. Spanish
  18. Learn a least enough in three additional languages to semi-understand
  19. Make my own list of the hundred best things to eat
  20. Plant a tiny orchard
  21. Grow vegetables in my own garden
  22. Go berry picking
  23. Make completely homemade pies 
  24. Make butterscotch from scratch (I have a recipe, now I just need to get all the ingredients and do it!)
  25. Run a 10k
  26. Run a half marathon
  27. Shoot every major gun: Pistol, Shotgun, Rifle, Muzzleloader, Revolver
  28. Start a fire without a match
  29. Build a house from start to finish
  30. Own a Beach house with friends

Giving:

  1. Help someone get through college
  2. Do something for someone they can never repay
  3. Tithe my whole life
  4. Start a non-profit or help run one
  5. Buy stock on my own
  6. Do one grand loving gesture a year
  7. Be debt free by 35
  8. Use my work to improve lives
  9. Remove money as a concern from my life
  10. Gift 1 million dollars to missions (not tithing)
  11. Help my family become debt free
  12. Give people in ministry free vacations at the beach house

Total, there are 124 things on my bucket list so far, which realistically is more than that due to the sub points. And, since this is an ever evolving Life Goals, things will likely be crossed off and added to this year.

In 2013, I crossed off 12 things from my list!.. In 2014, I aim to cross off more than double that!

I am currently working on a list of 29 things I want to do in 2014 because I am turning 29 on the 29th of January! One of the things I have discovered as I compile this “29 Things” list is, most “30 things to do before you’re 30” lists are lame, and almost all of the “29 things to do when you are 29” lists I have found are stupid. So, I will attempt to create an actual solid list of things to do in a year, and leave out things such as, “Forgive” “Fall in love” or “get married” as key points on my list… My list will be much more active and intentional.

I cannot wait to share my 29 things I want to do in 2014!

Can and Will…

Lately, I have come up to many situations where the conversation with people has boiled down to God’s ability and His willingness to do something (really anything).

There are a few passages of scripture where Jesus clearly says, ask anything in my name and you will get it:

“In that day you will not question Me about anything. Truly, truly, I say to you, if you ask the Father for anything in My name, He will give it to you.” – John 16:23

The problem is later, we see Paul ASK three times, and God simply tells him no, and why He is saying no:

“Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself!
Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me.
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” 
Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong”. –2 Corinthians 12:7-10

I want to really quickly draw your attention to a few things. First off, God just said no. Secondly, Paul ends his thought by saying that he is content over a plethora of things.. Some of which could be menial: distresses and difficulties.

Nowhere in that passage does Paul say that if he just presses into Christ more, that will solve it/fix it/undo the situation. No amount of prayer is fixing this sucker. He is stuck, and God tells him that is good enough for him at this time.

So, just in those two passages it seems like there is a contradiction; yet, that is not at all what I see. I view these as the beautifully complex perspective of God, and our invitation into Him, and our story with Him.

How?

From my perspective (and the view from which this post is written), literally every single thing in the Bible actually is and was exactly as it is written… That makes the story CRAZY. Seriously. And, the story is intense, and complex, and dynamic. Why would God be anything less than those same things?.. Yet, He is also never-changing. So, it cannot be said then that the “angry” God of the Old Testament is different from the “loving” one in the New Testament because stepping back and looking at the whole thing, you realize the entire story is showing us how complex He really is.

So, complex and dynamic… That is why comparing John 16 and 2 Corinthians 12 is fabulously difficult.

The first thing that I know from this is that, in John 16, Jesus is telling us to stand before God and ask for anything. Nothing is to big or too small, God wants and is able to answer anything. So, tell Him what we want, need, and desire.. because while Jesus said, “…for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.” (Matthew 6:8b) God also invites us into a relationship with Him.

Why? What is the purpose of asking if God already knows right?…

I firmly believe that it is more for our benefit and growth than anything else. Because if you do not know, do not ask for it, and somehow it magically appears in your life, it is exactly that, coincidence or magic. The need or want ceases being a blessing from God and becomes a lovely thing that has happened to you, which means He does not get glory or praise over it.

Hear me out.

God loves you. He loves me. He loves his creation desperately. But, His goal is to bring Himself glory because He rightfully deserves it.

Answering your prayers brings Him glory, and I believe it brings Him great joy.

Telling you “no, but praise me anyway and trust my plan” also brings Him glory.

And, let’s call a spade a spade here for a moment, we suck at being in control of our own lives. We suck at asking for the right things, and we forget that a different perspective might be a better one. If you doubt that concept, check out the news for two minutes or take a moment and think back through some majorly difficult times in your life that were caused by poor decisions you made. We are just bad at controlling our own lives.

So, I praise God all the time for telling me no, even when I used “the right formula” and asked in His name. I praise God all the time for telling me yes because no matter what or how I pray, I recognize that I need God’s plan more than anything else.

God CAN answer ANY of your prayers, He is able to, and He actually WANTS to. The difference is, He does not promise to ALWAYS. Only a loving God would tell us: “no, and it’s none of your business why” regularly. Just like any good parent tells their child no regularly.

God CAN bring me a husband at any time. He wants to, I truly believe that, but, He also has not promised it to me, and He certainly has not told me the timing behind His plans. So, as much as it sucks often, I do not regret following Him or seeking contentment in His timing and plan.

God CAN heal you and he WANTS to. But, He will not always because sometimes His answer is simply “no.” And, I believe in those moments, when the no hurts, and causes ridiculous amounts of pain and grief in our lives, God hurts because we are hurting. But, just like many painful things, often more pain is required for true healing to take place… And sometimes, instead of healing, death is found. As much as death hurts, and sucks, God knows because that was not how he originally designed for us to live. We were never supposed to know what death feels like. Trust me, God hurts then too.

God CAN remove temptation and afflictions, but that does not mean He promises to every single time. What He does promise is to be there, unwaveringly, unending, in every moment, and in every emotion. He will be there no matter how it feels or where He feels like He is in the moment.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Charm and Beauty…

This month I am focusing my blog posts on Our Perspective of Ourselves. This may be one of my favorite topics because I love taking time to gain perspective on situations. I am constantly telling friends about things going on, then asking for their view on the story or situation I just told them. Wisdom from others is something I never take for granted, no matter how hard to hear and absorb it may be in the moment.

Lately, I have been thinking about a blog post I read not long ago, (and of course I cannot find it again to save my life, otherwise I would give her full credit for these thoughts!) and in it, she mentioned that far too much of her focus in terms of relationships with guys would fall under:
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)

Ouch.

After I sat there for a moment and thought about it, I sadly need to confess that there in lies the majority of my insecurities. Charm and beauty.

I am surrounded by these amazing, charming, and beautiful in every way women.. Many of whom are wonderful (or best) friends of mine, and I often think, “I’m not even close to as beautiful as them…”

Then, I was surprised to read this: “…I have never been nor will I ever be the prettiest girl in the room…” Who wrote this? Jada Pinkett Smith on her Facebook account on May 15th. I was astounded that a woman who I actually think is incredibly beautiful had this perspective. But then, I was blown away because she went on to explain how she met a woman who was 80, and who’s kindness, laughter, and wisdom made the woman intoxicating. Her challenge and reason for the post was to encourage others to be intoxicating, and not focus on beauty. I realized, it is not a “Christian” thing to desire charm and beauty, but to then also realize how invaluable wisdom, kindness… and fearing the Lord is (for anyone, but in a woman especially).

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

I wish I could say that my focus tends to stay on fearing the Lord, but more often than not, in the morning and throughout the day, my thoughts return to charm and beauty.

I am not a fan of this portion of me and my focus, nor do I intend on letting it remain this way.

My goal this month, and my prayers are for God to shift my heart. To move me each day further and further away from focusing on charm and beauty, and instead focusing more and more on fearing Him, and exploring what that actually means.

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)

The Worst of Singleness…

For the most part, and for the majority of the time, I really enjoy being single.. Not because I am a “single independent woman,” and certainly not because I always want to be single, just that I am not itching to get married. I have this very welcome, very contented feeling of being fine exactly where I am in life. While I realize I am 28 and have no prospects, I am happy with where I have been, what I have done, and look forward to doing more things and going more places as a single.

With that said.. There are some really crappy things that come with being single, and I have encountered a lot of them the last few weeks…

After traveling out of the country for a couple of weeks, returning with the worlds worst head cold, and having a couple of weeks worth of work and school work to catch up on… Being single is difficult simply because you have to touch base with all of your bills, go food shopping, clean, do laundry, put away clothes, (in my case) pick up the puppy.. AND catch up on school work and regular work. And, forget giving space and time for jet lag to be present, it simply has to be pushed through.

Or, as another example, in the last two weeks I have dealt with a ridiculous amount of diarrhea from my puppy, crazy hours of work (no really, I didn’t leave until 11pm last night, and then worked at home until 1am), homework… homework.. and more homework.. then, there are the dishes and laundry that has to get done…. Followed by the sick puppy’s bowel problems transformed in the middle of the night to explosive, (which after working until 1am), and being up at 5am cleaning out a puppy crate and doing laundry to remove the absolutely horrendous smell… leaves (me) totally patience-less (let’s be honest, I was struggling before today with my patience AND filter) and an overwhelming desire to just stick the puppy on the deck and sleep for a day. But, instead, I got up, worked, cleaned him up, worked, cleaned up again, worked, took him to the vet, and worked some more…

So, with that said, the absolute worst part about being single, is having to do everything yourself. There is no one to split work with or take care of things when you are gone.

Everything is you.

Now, do not misunderstand me, I am not even pretending that a single parent’s job is easier or even comparable to mine, but I would submit that the worst thing about their situation is the same, they must do everything themselves… And, while I have not personally experienced being married, I am sure there are a lot of difficult things about it… But, given the last couple weeks that I have had, and the level of stress it has all brought on, I can confidently say it would have been easier to have someone to do the dishes or take out the trash or go grocery shopping.

The worst part of singleness is having to do literally everything yourself no matter what is going on or how sick or tired you are.