Today.. Weddings and friends! I’m so excited to be here and around my friends.. Dancing, laughing, hanging out, joking around.. and the normal be-bopping around with my bff’s 🙂 So glad to be here.
Today at work was pure chaos. I mean literally I was the only one in the office (that was going to help in my department) and we had several crises, mostly dealing with the Convention program that apparently had a corrupt file.. the designer was out, the computer wasn’t working, and my supervisor who has everyone’s contact information was out… It was chaotic to say the least. I really feel like I just tried to direct the chaos into being controlled chaos instead of actually fix things because I literally could not fix it all. Thankfully one of the designers came in to fix the problem and leave again. Whew!
Then they let us leave 2 hours early… yet.. I left half an hour late from that too.. haha but, I am thankful that I was able to leave at 3:30 and get on the road, because leaving that much earlier allowed me to get out of the city and to Lynchburg in the normal 4- 4 1/2 hours instead of the million it might have taken had I left at 5.
Now on to a weekend with my bff’s.. I needed Lynchburg peeps this weekend!.
I hate how I have this ping-pong effect going on inside of me over the last several months. I keep trying to focus on the good, humorous, loving, etc.. moments and things going on.. and I will finally get back to a point of feeling like life is good… And then something or someone will do something that will change that entire feeling.
Let’s discuss the bad first so we can leave with a couple funny stories that make me smile.
Thankfully my class (though it’s the first week) is easier for me to understand.. and while I might change my opinion later, it makes the suckage less in my life!… However, my work situation is not getting better. I really am going to have to get on my knees and pray through all the stuff going on because it’s not getting better on its own. And, while I COULD go on and on about all the reasons I have a right to feel, be, do, and think the things I do about my situations.. I also have to take responsibility for the fact that in several instances I have not done what I could have to make it better. Please pray for me.. because while I am not going to go through this list of things going on, I seriously need some help from the Lord.. And, whatever lesson He’s trying to teach me.. PLEASE let it come quickly so I can move on and not drag it out arduously!
I have been really thinking and mulling over the several people who have misunderstood me and my heart so much lately.. Partially because there have been a couple in the last several days, but partially because it has come from people I feel like should know.. or have a sense of where my heart is, whether they understand everything I do or say or not… The frustration and hurt I feel from these instances is very real.. but surprising too that it is hitting me so deeply.
It is all very frustrating.. but I KNOW it will be worth it some day…
“God promises deep fulfillment and rich joy beyond your wildest dreams. When you come through your trials, you begin to experience it. That’s why, if you’ve ever met a gentle, loving, wise person who radiates the love of Jesus, I can almost guarantee that he or she has suffered deeply. The way God produces that kind of person is through adversity. They don’t give up, the life of Christ begins to manifest through them, and they have an inner joy and fulfillment from God that can’t be touched by circumstances now and that is greatly magnified in heaven.” (my favorite quote)
On the good side of things…
I got to dance three nights this weekend.. oooh boy was I tired this morning! And, all three nights were awesome and loads of fun. Friday night several friends showed up, a couple I knew about, and a couple I was pleasantly surprised to see… And, let’s be honest, friends always make dancing way more fun.. if for no other reason than people watching!… And, maybe a little discussion about the various guys’ styles, cuteness, abilities etc.. always an entertaining time!
Then, Saturday I went to a social salsa event, which had a significantly smaller crowd than I was expecting, but ended up being an absolute blast due to the people there. However, I probably danced less Saturday than the other nights, although I was there for a solid four hours!… But, I also laughed the most this night because while I was not dancing I was chatting away and making awkward situations even more awkward.. then we would all laugh about it. Great night!
Sunday I decided I wanted to go to my favorite place to dance here in DC… For a couple reasons, but the main one being that I will be out of town for the next three weekends, and I had not been in a month as is! I was not planning on staying very long at all given how much dancing I had done over the weekend, but I ended up meeting a couple great dancers, and chatting with one that I have seen several times before.. and we just had a great conversation..
Definitely the weekend I needed to face the chaos that is the week ahead of me.
A friend posted this YouTube video on Facebook.. and I out of curiosity clicked on it. Fracis Chan is an amazing communicator, and his humility has me in awe every time I read something of his or listen to him speak.
This video is in reference to the “Christian world debate on hell” that has been going on and sparked by Rob Bell.
I appreciate Francis Chan’s encouragement to read the Bible, and seek understanding and wisdom.. but mostly to read it in the right perspective, that maybe, just maybe my ways, thoughts, feelings, are not “the best” and certainly not over God’s…
While I definitely do believe the world as we know it will end, and Christ will return one day, today is not that day. There are several things that are pretty clear in the book of Revelations about what will happen and what is to come first.. However,
“Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away.
36“But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone.
37“For the coming of the Son of Man will be just like the days of Noah.
38“For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark,
39and they did not understand until the flood came and took them all away; so will the coming of the Son of Man be.
40“Then there will be two men in the field; one will be taken and one will be left.
41“Two women will be grinding at the mill; one will be taken and one will be left” -Matthew 24:35-41
So, it is coming one day.. But, only God knows the day and hour.
There are days that blow me away with how great they are. How seemlessly everything goes, and how in-tune with people I am, or they are with me.
And then, there are days like the last couple. Where I feel like I am running up against a brick wall, and nothing I do or say makes it better, and only makes the situation worse.
There are days that I am totally lost as to how I have gotten to where I am, how so many misunderstandings lead to such friction.
There are days that I wonder if I really am the way some people see me, maybe they are right and I am just totally blind to that area of myself.. and what do I do that creates that perception of me?
There are days I am overwhelmed with my imperfections and shortcomings that I find it not only hard to breathe, but I hurt at my core… and cannot decipher if it is true or not.
There are days that I can do nothing but just take whatever is thrown at me, because responding just makes it hurt worse.
There are days that the Grace and Mercy of God is hard to see through the emotions and frustrations.
There are days that only my flaws are visible, and there seems to be no one to lovingly cover them when I cannot.
There are days that I realize how much further I have to go, and maybe it really is for the best that I am alone because I would just screw up and hurt someone if they were with me.
There are days that life just sucks.
There are days that all I need is for someone to extend a little grace and mercy towards me, but I am too aware of the hypocrisy of seeking that to ask for it.
There are days that no one seems to understand me, and it leads to hurt, anger, frustration, and a whole slew of other emotions.
There are days that no matter how many times someone has said I am great or wonderful, this day proves them wrong in my own mind.
There are days that are clear as to why I should not be in a relationship because I have too many flaws still.
There are days that lead me to just want to drop my life and disappear to Africa.
There are days that I just feel alone and secluded.
There are days…….