Trees…

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Over the last year and a half I have become slightly obsessed with trees.

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Especially cool looking trees.IMG_1243

But, my obsession is not just because I all of a sudden noticed trees, or had an encounter with one, but because God used trees… Or specifically one tree to show me His plan for my life.

It is a little odd now to think about, how much I used what I came to decide and call a prophecy given to me at such a low point in my life to cling to hope… You can read more about what was said to me here.

You see, there were some seriously long periods of time that felt like I had died or that I had nothing good, helpful, or beneficial to offer.. or as my sister-in-law puts it, I had become like a “little sad grey piece of paper”. Which is about as accurate a description as they come.

But, even during those times of struggle, I knew God would use what was happening to me, and even all of my failings throughout, and He would take it and He would grow it all in the ways that only He can.

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Then slowly, over the course of about six months He began to reawaken me. It was as though He knew it had to be slowly in order for me to survive and not undo or break the ways He had grown me. I mean, it makes perfect sense, He is the one who set up how the world grows, the laws behind the health that takes place in a tree after a severe pruning. He did all of that… It only makes sense that He would then apply those same rules to the way in which He began the re-growth phase of our journey. In the process of cutting away, and then in the slow-growing back, my already deep and wide foundational root system grew and strengthened. I learned in new, painful, refreshing, and restorative ways how God provides for me… Especially when I do not deserve a thing.

Then, ever so slowly I began to realize that the grey had dissipated, and maybe, just maybe beauty would return to my vision. Maybe I would see and feel deeply once more. Possibly, I would once again revel in joy in ways that I had grown to expect throughout my life. Laughter would return easily and sit in my heart for longer. Life, beautiful overflowing life would allow me to dance my way through it once more.

Then, out of the blue, I was gifted the picture below. What a special little I love you drawing from God delivered from a new friend. She said she was praying for me, and she could not get away from a tree, but specifically the roots, and that God is regrowing me. She had no idea of my past, and certainly did not know anything about my tree.

And just like that, God reminds me that He sees me, and then tells me exactly what we are doing this year.

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I discovered a while ago that I tend to get tattoos when God changes my life. Not in regards to physically changes or when He moves me or anything similar to that… But, when He changes who I am, the deep down makeup, and especially when it is so dramatic that it causes me to be totally changed… Those are the things that spur me towards a tattoo. Almost like a forever mark on the outside showing what He has done on the inside. I equate it to the Old Testament temples and name changes whenever God encountered His people.

I have been slowly piecing together what my tree tattoo will look like, who will do it, where it will go, and all of the meaningful elements that will tell a story within it. I am so excited to get it (sometime soon) and share it with you all.

I have been forever changed, and while I am not done regrowing, I have begun to feel the beautiful new fruit that is coming.

(As an FYI, and to be totally honest I did not take two of the pictures in this post)

How Are You?


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A beautiful sunset sitting outside overlooking Union Station (no filter).

My days are so long, filled to the brim, and often overflowing. Every night around midnight I debate on if I can do squeeze one more thing into my day or if it is a wiser option to finally turn the lights off and sleep. Usually I squeeze something else in…

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But, my weeks F.L.Y. by… Seriously. At the end of every week, I am totally and completely amazed by how quickly the week went.¬†Even more, I cannot believe we are so far into March already! Where is 2015 going?!

So, how am I?.. That has been the question I am getting repeatedly… I am still trying to catch up to my own life I think. I have only just begun to find my cadence to life again. I guess it is for good reason I get asked often how I am since I am currently in a stage of full throttle, but I never really feel like I have a good answer for the question.

Or worse, as odd as it sounds, I really am not a fan of the “how can I pray for you?” question right now. Not because I don’t want prayer, but I cannot seem to be able to think of something when asked… things don’t seems to grasp my attention long enough to ask someone else to pray over.

Maybe the best thing I could ask for prayer for is my level of energy, for sleep to be restful, for wisdom and grace in all situations… especially despite any emotions I still find myself working through.

You see, I am still quite a bit more emotional than I am comfortable with.. or that feels normal for me.
I find myself pretty strongly still regulating what comes out of my head because I am aware that how I think things in my head is undeservedly severe oftentimes.

But honestly, I am good, life is busy, full of good and great things, challenging things, frustrating things, laughter, anger, contentment, exhaustion, all of the feels. Every one of the feels permeates my life right now.

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Thankfully, Spring has finally arrived.. Sorta. We have had DAYS of sunshine, and weather that has allowed me to wear a light jacket instead of try to cover every exposed portion of my skin! I was able to open the windows, clean the house, and breathe the sunshine in deeply this week.

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God is showing up so merciful, faithful, forgiving, and loving. Like I have always known, but much louder right now than normal. Earlier this week, I was having a particularly difficult day, and randomly several people called, texted or e-mailed me throughout the day saying they had been thinking of me and felt compelled to connect.
By the time the third one happened, I just couldn’t help but smile and something inside me shifted because I think I finally was getting the message from God: “I do in fact see you and care tremendously.”

2015 is certainly turning out to be a year unlike any other, and I am so thankful, and feeling quite blessed.