Month: April 2015

Rabbit Trails Jacked up on RedBull…

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Last week, I met up with a woman who through a series of events, unknowingly became my (quite possibly forever) mentor three years ago. You see, in 2012 we were supposed to meet so she could be my coach for a short timeframe. Then, a huge storm hit DC, and we were left trying to connect when basically all of the DC area had no power. I was convinced she would reschedule, that’s the only thing that made sense. Instead she was determined, and we worked for an extra 45 minutes simply trying to locate a place we could connect that had power.

I knew right then, if she would work that hard through the obnoxiousness that was our situation, I could trust her.

We sat at a random Korean bakery and she saw me. No matter what answer I gave, she kept peeling back the layers of me and my situation. With each layer, she gently stood there waiting for me to stop struggling against the exposure and allow her in to help me. She understood. She had been there, she related to my struggles. Every. Single. One.

Then I moved away two months later. The chaos of life for a couple of years kept both of us at the edge of having a basic knowledge of what was happening in the other’s lives.

Well, as only God can do, He orchestrated everything for me to return not long ago, which then had me run into her at a weekend event. All of a sudden we were back, she saw me, she understood me.. and despite her insane chaotic life, she stood there and talked to me insisting we make time to get together.

Yet, because both of our lives are crazy, it took a couple of months to finally connect. And, once again, when we did, she saw me. Regardless of my answer, she sees where I have been, she understands my journey, struggles, strengths, and with the wisdom that only someone who has weathered the same storms, she knows the direction I am going.

Our conversations are something similar to rabbit trails jacked up on RedBull… We ebb and flow through conversations and back again at an alarming rate, yet she never loses the anchor or the heart of what is going on and how everything ties together.

This amazing woman is who I want to be.. she loves fiercely, flies from one thing to the next so she can love as many people as possible, while taking the time to boldly direct people to Jesus and share the real thoughts and struggles that most people hide away… And then laughs off the craziness that is her schedule.

I cannot help but look at her and be amazed at how Jesus has created her to be, with the spirit that I desire to unleash in my own life. I am so thankful and amazed that she has stepped into my life to move me beyond my yesterday, towards a better version of myself tomorrow.

Seasons of Healing…

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I typically love seasons of healing, there is life and death taking place together in the process. I am entirely guilty of wanting to rush the process, but I never regret the time it took on the other side… This particular season of healing has proved more difficult than I anticipated. Which, I suppose no matter the injury, healing always takes longer than we think or hope for in the beginning.

One of the things that has struck me about this particular season of healing is how little the Christian community addresses what seasons of healing look like. And then, in the absence of clarity, I have found myself feeling a bit crazy in the process of what I have recently realized is actually pretty normal..
Should I feel this way?
Should I think like this?
Should I be this emotional?
Does this show my lack of faith?
Is this normal to feel this way?
Why can’t I seem to shake this off?
Am I depressed?
Is it normal to be so tired all the time?
Have I always been this stressed?
Have my muscles always been so tight?
If I love my life so much, why am I still feeling anxious?
And on and on and on….

I was talking with a friend who went through a similar experience, and her response was, “I’m sorry, I should have told you that you were going to feel all of these things for much longer than you would expect to.”

We then talked through all of the random feelings, all of the irrational emotions, the physical effects of everything… and how the season of healing on the other side of a dessert season is often forgotten about by those who have gone through them. I can see why though, I do not want to “stay” stuck in the past, so even I do not want to talk through my own situation… I just want to push forward.

I cannot possibly blame someone else for not thinking to tell me that this season of life sucks almost as much as the last. However, it is of utmost importance to work through and not barrel through this season. I must feel, sit in, deal with and process each step; then and only then will complete healing take place.

True growth and learning must happen in the midst of the whirlwind that feels like this season has been.

I am so thankful and beyond grateful for the plethora of people who have encouraged, challenged, given undeserved grace, shared wisdom or a listening ear, and for all of those who have prayed for me throughout.

So. Grateful.

On the other side of all of this God will make my ashes into beautiful art.