I Am Not Perfect…

Sometimes it is one of the most aggravating things in the world to me when people who should know me assume I am a certain way… without ever asking, watching, paying attention… etc..

I understand that typically my personality type is a certain way. I get that I tend to want to be right (… does anyone want to be wrong?). I know that it can be incredibly frustrating for others when I make them prove their point by giving me facts or examples.. I get these things.

But, I also know that I will always be the first to say that I am not ALWAYS RIGHT. I am wrong all the time. I overreact. I exaggerate when I am worked up… etc.. I know these things about myself. I also know that I do not often concede to someone else’s “feelings”.. sometimes when it turns into them saying “I just feel like you…” ok.. I’ll totally give them that because at that point they are not saying it is true.. just that they FEEL like it is. Totally valid and legit.

When I get frustrated is when people accuse me of thinking, acting, etc.. or it becomes their mission whether intentionally or not to prove to me.. or themselves.. or the surrounding world that I am flawed and not perfect… They will always succeed. Is anyone watching to care? Is there this massive checklist that I have missed somewhere keeping tally of how many times I have just flat out admitted I was wrong, and that person is better then me?.. Because if so, I have a lot of checks to add to that list.

The thing that digs at me the most is the total and utter pushing for me to fail. There is no love there, there isn’t even caring or compassion. It is one thing to totally call me out for being ridiculous, mean, rude etc.. it is a totally different thing to purposefully strive for me to fail. I just do not get it. What have I ever done to make someone not only want me to fail, fall on my face, whatever.. but to push for it.. to try and make me look like a fool in front of others. I do not need that in my life, thank you.

The sad thing is, while tonight I am thinking of a particular instance… I can think of other instances in the last couple years where people who claimed to love and care for me, the very same people who were supposed to use that love to help me grow and cover my flaws, decided for whatever reason that I am a certain way. And then, either tried to dictate their totally inaccurate concept on me in front of other people or they tried to tell me how I am and what I think…

Please, just ask me to explain what I am thinking or leave me alone. I do not need you telling me all the times I fail in a day for no other reason then trying to make me fail or look like a fool to others. I welcome being called out, I cherish the friends who not only know my flaws, but work along side me to help me be better tomorrow then I was today. Satan has enough people in my life tearing me down, do not choose to pointlessly be one of them… Instead either leave me alone or actually love me and work to help me be better.

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